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The Top Ten Cabin Crew Lies.

To be a good flight attendant, you also have to be a very good liar. It’s one of the unwritten requirements of the job. We lie to passengers from the moment they step onto the aircraft. “We’d like to warmly welcome you onboard!”, we don’t. “If you need any assistance, please ask a member of crew”, please don’t. “We hope you enjoyed your flight?”, we’re not really bothered either way, as long as you won’t be writing in and getting us tea, no biscuits with management.

No matter how crap a day we’re having, how much abuse we’re getting from our passengers, how much shit we’ve got going on at home, how unwell we feel, or how much we really don’t want to be stuck in that metal tube at 35,000 feet we will continue to follow the ancient cabin crew mantra of ‘Teeth and Tits’ and smile through our pain and frustrations.

Here we count down the Top Ten lies your cabin crew WILL tell you whilst you’re onboard our aircraft. See how many you’ve already been told or have said yourself.

Cabin crew can normally speak more than 1 language!

International Cabin crew can normally speak more than one language!

10) “I’ll come back with more information as soon as I have some”

Which will be sometime never. If it’s a technical issue, do I look like a mechanic? Not in this outfit darling. If it’s a weather related delay, well no I can’t work miracles and make the fog disappear, or make the snow melt. To be fair, your over-worked and under-paid flight attendant’s are always the last people to know anyway so there’s really not much point asking us.

9) “There’s no need to worry, our aircraft are perfectly safe!”

If you ignore the gaffer tape on the wing, the broken overhead lockers, the faulty toilet, the sink in the galley that keeps over flowing, the dodgy air conditioning units above row 31 and don’t even get me started on the broken seal around door 2L. Please don’t be alarmed when you discover that this aircraft is almost as old as Cher and has done more miles than the space shuttle. Our engineers are not only excellent with their tool boxes, they can also work miracles. As cabin crew queen Pam Ann once said “We don’t make the same mistake more than 3 times, maybe 4?”.

8)“This is perfectly normal”

We have to tell you that. If it’s a strange noise, we may have never of heard it before. If it’s a funny smell, we might never have smelt it before. And if it’s really bad turbulence, it’s probably the worst we’ve ever experienced too. But no matter how scared we are, our perfect, pearly white smile NEVER wavers. Teeth and tits!

"Please just ignore the flames billowing from the number one engine, this is perfectly normal on take-off"

“Please just ignore the flames billowing from the number one engine, this is perfectly normal on take-off”

7) “We don’t have any of that left”

Well, first off all it depends what you’re asking me for. We may have still have it, but it will be on the other trolley or all the way back in the galley locked in a canister. So unless you get me in a VERY good mood, which doesn’t happen very often, I won’t be going to check for you. It’s probably best if you just pick something else.

"If it's not on my tray bitch, I haven't got it!"

“If it’s not on my tray bitch, I haven’t got it!”

6) “That’s not a problem”

It will be a problem. Whatever you’ve asked to warrant this response means that you will have taken me away from doing something else; probably going for a well-earned rest after waiting hand and foot on you for the last few hours. I’ll be smiling through gritted teeth and counting to ten!

5) “I’ll put that on my flight report”

Well it really depends on what you’re wanting me to write down. If you’re complaining at me and it’s something i’m unable to change, i’ll nod understandingly whilst I listen to your story. Then i’ll tell you that i’ll write everything down so the powers that be can look in to it. If I feel sorry for you I may put down a few words, but don’t expect war and peace.

4) “Thank you for flying with us today”

Yea, yea, you pay our wages. If it wasn’t for you our dear passengers chosing to fly with us, we’d be out of a job – blah, blah. We’ve heard it all before. Truth is, we’d much prefer it if some of you just stayed at home.

"Thank you for flying with us today"

“Thank you for flying with us today”

3) “I LOVE my job!”

Don’t get me wrong it has it’s perks and there’s certainly worst jobs. But if you ask me that question after i’ve done a month of endless short-haul sectors, NO. When you’re asking me after a 14 hour flight and i’m hungover from the party we had in the crew hotel last night and i’m back on another trip in 48 hours, NO. When i’ve had to deal with drunken passengers, screaming kids, horrible flight deck and the number five crew member is giving me daggers because I kissed the hot new first officer at said party, NO. But ask me when I’m lay on a beach, sipping a cocktail on a three-day layover in the Caribbean, then yes, I LOVE my job!

2) “I’m fine!”

We’re probably not. We may have been called out for this flight with just 90 minutes notice. Some idiot has just had a go at me in business, all because I accidentally knocked into him with the trolley and the purser’s took his side. I’m probably on minimum rest from my last duty, just 12 hours ago and I haven’t had anything to eat since I reported hours earlier. On top of all of that I’m full of flu because working in recycled air, for 12+ hours a day and coming into contact with hundreds of different people every day, means you pick up every horrible bug going. My airlines sickness policy means I’m too scared to go off sick, so I’ll come into work regardless and make myself worse. Teeth and tits everybody, teeth and tits!

And at #1 of our Top 10 Cabin Crew Lies…..

1)“I’m sorry!”

Normally we’re not. Fact of the matter is, whatever it is we’re apologising for, it probably isn’t our fault. So why should we apologise for it in the first place? But we do, as it shuts you up. It makes you think that you have won and makes our life that little bit easier. Yes, I’m sorry for the crap weather that has delayed your flight. I’m sorry for the French ATC and those bloody Spanish baggage handlers who have once again decided to go on strike. I apologise that we have run out of Chicken, I know, it’s all my fault and I really should have made sure there was more loaded onboard. I can’t apologise enough that Heathrow can’t handle more than an inch of snow. I’m sorry for the exploding volcano in Iceland and please accept my sincerest apologies for the buggered engine on this state-of-the-art jet; but believe me I would much rather it be broken here than at 37,000 feet.

On behalf of us all we REALLY hope you’ve enjoyed your flight and thank you for choosing to fly with Confessions Of A Trolley Dolly.

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DISCLAMIER please note ladies and gentleman, for those of you without a sense of humour, that this post is intended as a tongue-in-cheek look at flight attendant life. We do love our jobs (most of the time) and we do love our passengers (most of the time). Please do not take offence at any of the lies written here.

© confessionsofatrolleydolly.com by Dan Air.

About Confessions of a Trolley Dolly (48 Articles)
confessionsofatrolleydolly.com brought to you by International Gay Trolley Dolly, Dan Air ! Come & join us onboard as we take a peek behind the galley curtain with all your cabin crew & aviation news, galley gossip, glamour & humerous tales of life at 39,000 feet!

109 Comments on The Top Ten Cabin Crew Lies.

  1. Fabulous. What a beautifully constructed rant. Everyone needs to get it off their chest once in a while &, if more senior members of airline management happen to see this & begin to understand just one per cent of what your life is like, then that’s not too shabby an outcome either. Thank you for the giggle & I think you all do a bloody marvellous job x

  2. Well, you clearly gonna think I’m a bitch (so I’ll say it for you) but how about getting a job that you DO love?

  3. When a year ago (or so) the Hungarian Airlines (MALÉV) went to bankrupcy, and everyone started whining about it, I tried to point out this kind of attitude you have towards your passengers. The faded luxury of flying means nothing for us anymore, darling. This is a service, and one definitely chooses a service by many factors including the behaviour of the crew. I saw people working in mines or at fastfood restaurants, earning their livings from hard work. Others leaned a lot to let their braines worjk instead of their hands. It’s not tehir fault that all you’ve got is nice tits and teeth.

    Sincerely,
    aPassengerOfYours

    • Those nice tits and teeth is able to save your life, they are trained to be doctors, firefighters, police officers, and everything else you can think of, because you are not able to call 911 at 35, 000 feet, they are trained to handle explosives explosives and to survive in every kind of environment you can find on earth. So you should be grateful dear passenger that those professionals on board are not just stupid waitresses, because everyone can serve coffee and not everyone can assure this level of safety.
      Remember, dear passenger, if something happens those nice tits and teeth, will be the first you will be running to asking for help, and most of them are ready to give up their lives to save their passengers. So show some respect and think twice 😉

      • IfyouarenthappygetanewjobIdid // 04/02/2013 at 1:31 AM //

        Unless they’ve had a career change, flight crew are generally no more medically trained than anyone who has done a good first aid course. While they are not able to cal 911, they do have an emergency medical number that can be called that will guide them through anything they have to deal with.
        Don’t get me wrong, I respect them as one day they will be co-workers of mine (no, I will not be a trolley dolly). I’ve always been super nice to them and if I have any requests (like an extra drink) I make them work as little as possible to get it for me (I get as close to their galley so all they have to do is open the cupboard pull out whatever it is and I go sit back down. (I try to time this with my bathroom breaks to save annoying any other passengers.)
        I will say, if you don’t love your job as a flight attendant which basically means customer service with a captive audience and all that that entails, get a new one. The whole atmosphere of a company can change if the flight attendants all love their jobs. My mother tried to convince me to become one when I was considering my career change, but I explained to her that the above rant was exactly how I’d feel and I didn’t want another job like that. I was only just getting out of a job I hated. Right now I’m working 3 part time jobs, all of which I love and all of which are customer focused. There are only 4 customers that I’ve ever had to argue with and most of the time it was because they were breaking the law and ignored my requests.

    • Danielle // 12/02/2013 at 2:14 PM // Reply

      You clearly have no idea of what the cabin crew role is about if you think that is all the job consists off. Next time you think about being an asshole to a cabin crew member have a think about this: If you are injured, having a heart attack, asthma attack or anything like that OR if we have an emergency who is the one that is trained to look after you? The cabin crew. So if i were you, I’d be nice to us 😉

    • Most people I know choose flights which are cheap, not because of service! If I want to go to Europe I don’t pay more if the cabin crew dress smarter or are more polite – I choose cheap flights because they’re cheap!

      I expect the staff of say Ryanair to be a little less polite, because it’s a cheaper airline. I’m fine with that because I’ve probably saved a few hundred.

      • Maria // 31/01/2014 at 5:17 PM //

        I work for a cheap ryanair as you say and to be honest if you ever meet me outside of the work you would never know that I am a “cheep” cabin crew as you say. We are just like you with the only difference that most of the people that are flying with ryanair hate they rules and try to beet it out on the crew. Just once in your life try to say “hello, have a nice day!” to every single person you meet on a day and see the response that you will get. No one will even look at you and this is how most of us feel but we are still there to smile at you and to try to make your flight as comfortable as possible(by not braking any rules) My mom always told me to “treat the people as you would like to be treated”….it is not an easy task when they treat you as dirt!

    • aPassengerOfYours….. People like you come onto forums like this and try to belittle Cabin Crew because you see them as glorified waiting staff and just part of the ticket, like the seat!!! Your ridiculous and patronising remarks, darling, are typical of those that come from passengers who look down their noses at crew because they have saved for months, if not years, to pay for an economy ticket so they can get away from their humdrum jobs and lives, and expect a First Class service!!!! Cabin Crew have always been an easy target, especially to arseholes like you, because the likes of you think that Cabin Crew are there to be your personal servants and you can treat them as you see fit!!! Cabin Crew, on the whole, are kind, caring people who have to be all things to every passenger!!! They are polite and will try to accommodate any reasonable request…. but remember they are human too !!!! It is hard, demanding work that is made worse by jetlag and the altitude…..

      I find it amazing that you use the word “luxury” in the same paragraph as the airline, MALEV, as it certainly wasn’t a word ever associated with that airline!!! I have not flown for many years now and I have the utmost sympathy and respect for CC today as the turnrounds are shorter with fewer days off both down route and at home and the salaries are not as good now either. Passengers are more demanding and a lot ruder than they ever were in this “get as much as you can for as little as possible” society we live in now!!! I am glad I no longer fly but I do miss the crews and they were the ones that got you through the jetlag, long night flights and rude passengers!!!

      So the next time you fly, aPassengerOfYours, remember the crew really are there for your SAFETY first and foremost, anything else is a bonus!!! Without crew the aircraft is going nowhere and they may even be the difference between you living or dying in a medical emergency or an extreme situation!!! There are even fewer flight crew onboard these days but not Cabin Crew!!!

      PS Darling, a little tip for you, never upset crew or anyone, for that matter, who is responsible for your life or who is about to serve you food!!!!!

      • Derek Taylor // 13/02/2014 at 3:35 PM //

        You DARLING are the reason I swap airlines. I’ve done the job, and 99% of our passengers are decent people who occasionally deserve to have their hols started off with a bit of kindness and spoiling. Occasionally I got an arsehole – as you unwisely call someone you don’t like – but they would have to be absolutely AWFUL to be as much an arsehole as the crew member who plays around with pax meals, or ignores the pax who aren’t hunks ( it happens ) or are ‘beneath them’. It’s a service job. IT IS on a par with working in a good quality store but usually pays more, so get on or get out!!!…and I know what I’m talking about. I’ve met more selfish and lazy crew than you perhaps, but the memory of the awful manner in which they served people they thought didn’t deserve a good service still haunts me.

    • mysmartmouth // 26/05/2015 at 6:36 PM // Reply

      i understand what your saying and empathize with it I really do but we can’t provide something we don’t have
      We have been given precisely zero extra of anything so unless your in that certain class of cabin or it’s not full there simply isn’t “extra” anything
      We barely have enough to do a basic drink service on the trolley on a good day.
      When they took from passengers they took from crew (all employees) too and I’m not talking about the pay and other things they took and never gave back that’s irrelevant from a customers point of view im talking about the resources in which we need to do the job and provide this glamorous service everyone expects. We just don’t have it dear but a smile and kindess is always there as far as my cabin is concerned. 🙂

  4. First of all sweetie my arse is not fat! But I do agree with the term all publicity is good publicity so blog away darling, it’s a good arse!

  5. I think this story and this attitude is absolutely horrible. Seems like being a flight attendant is the most demanding job of all or even worse – the only demanding job out there. Poor you. But you know what? I don’t give a damn if you’re sincere or not – just keep saying all the “thank you”s and “i’m sorry”s you’re supposed to. I’m not interested in how you really feel at all. Sincere enough? P.S. I absolutely wish you what you wish for yourself – empty cabins. Though I wonder for how long those empty cabins will be taking you to the Caribbean? Have a nice day! 🙂

    • Marina, what I have written is a tongue-In-cheek look at our profession. Being cabin crew is certainly not the most demanding or the only demanding job out there as you say. However, it is demanding when we get treated like idiots, spoken too like scum, physically abused, made to work ridiculously long hours for very little pay, or thanks. So I will keep saying the ‘thank you’s’ and the ‘I’m sorry’s’ and believe me next time you are ever onboard an aircraft don’t bother asking you crew for anything, because we really won’t be interested in how you feel either!

      • marina // 15/01/2013 at 10:57 PM //

        You say “a very little pay” and your treatment is bad?! What should a maid say? Or a miner? Or on the other hand a surgeon who has lives of his patients in his hands? Or a company executive who has his employees’ and their families’ well being in his hands? And yet you complain?! And expect me to sympathize with you when you’re whining for not being given a chance to live the life of Paris Hilton?! If your last lines were indicating that you think I’m a bitch – when I come across such an arrogant and ungrateful person, I am indeed.

      • chrissy // 10/10/2013 at 3:09 AM //

        Ignorance makes me laugh. Im cc and to be honest, I’ve had to deal with a whole lot of crap. I’ve worked plenty of jobs and none of them have been as hard as this. I have finished a bachelor of commerce at one of the best universities in australia… and I’m sorry but when assholes tell you at 35, 000 feet to suck their dick, piss on the floor and abuse crew.. it makes me hate my job… Personally, that just doesn’t sit well with me so to anyone who gives cc a hard time…I don’t blame anyone for not helping them in an emergency. Whether it be medical or a crash landing. Some people just truly are scum and unfortunately we have to deal with them on a daily basis!

    • Your fellow FA // 12/02/2013 at 7:36 PM // Reply

      Dont worry Marina we can tell.

    • Iloveflying // 23/05/2013 at 2:47 PM // Reply

      Im so sorry you didnt get your dream job of being a flight attendant ..dont go hating now..everyone bitches, so why cant we also, its educational and funny and it teaches you how to behave onboard, learn before you judge marina..you sound very bitter-now i bet tht will make u ugly.

    • Hi Marina , seems you tired your luck for the job but you was not choosen..

      sour grapes dear

      get a life xox

    • Thank you, Marina, for confirming exactly what we have been saying!!! This attitude is just what crew come up against everyday… I am not getting into a slagging match with the you but I just wanted to say “thank you” for showing the sort of ignorance and rudeness typical of passengers like you and “I’m sorry” that I wont have the privilege of saving your sorry arse when you have a coronary or pulling it out of a burning aircraft…. NOT!!!!! Now sit back, unclench and enjoy the flight, you uptight ridiculous old woman!!!!! Ooops sorry, again, for the insult but I will make it up to you by not using the other couple of dozen I have in reserve for idiots like you!!!!!

    • TROLLEY PUSHER :) // 19/10/2013 at 4:08 AM // Reply

      Dear Marina, thank you for sharing your opinion with us, and I am so sorry to hear that you think so bad about people that have (no)lives that of course you will never understand as you haven’t worked in this domain. However next time when you choose to be so ignorant just take into account that if you don’t come onboard I shall not suffer as another 10000000000 hopefully not like you will. Regards and good luck in being busy hating people without even realizing what their job means.

  6. Ha ha ha, I love seeing how many people get so wound up by this & take it all personally. Brilliant !!

  7. Love it!! I have always been treated well by cabin crew, even when I knew well enough that this was the fourth or fifth leg of a long, long day with bad weather and crappy passengers. Every flight attendant I know actually loves their job more than they hate it (who doesn’t have parts of their jobs that they hate?). One day on a Caribbean beach covers a multitude of screaming snotty, poopy, drunk, belligerent arsehole passengers. Thank you for all you do, even when you don’t feel like it.

    • would rate it as good comment twice if I could. That’s exactly the point WE DO IT, EVEN WHEN WE DON’T FEEL LIKE IT! It doesn’t mean we hate you, passengers… (lie #11? LOL just kidding)

  8. Lucy Smith // 12/02/2013 at 4:27 PM // Reply

    Cabin crew, surgeon, CEO or postman Pat, it doesn’t matter. People should not be rude to anyone just because they are purchasing good or services from them. It’s common courtesy and the basis of decency.

  9. Hilarious as always!Love your blog!Following you everyday!!!

  10. Teeth and tits Brilliant…..Uk lad, living in the arab world and i think i have used all these on one flight….sent to my collegues and i hope they appreciate it as this is the truth the whole truth and sister nothing but the truth!!!! Happy flying!!!

  11. nina yliruikka // 12/02/2013 at 8:16 PM // Reply

    Being a flightattendant and and Purser for 25 years,I found this hilarious!!:) lovely colleagues and passagers are best part of my work.A good sence of humour is definitely one of the most important qualifications,among others…Stay calm and carry on!!

  12. Alex Lee // 14/02/2013 at 2:46 PM // Reply

    I am a senior FA for almost 6 years in low cost airline in mid Europe. I love these posts!! For most part they are true! They are not meant to offend anybody – they just portray the most “colorful” aspects of modern FA life! In my case there is no Carribean, no glamour and romance, no expensive hotels and designer uniforms!! The aviation industry has changed – its more cost saving and working harder!! There is 8 -14h work day 5-6-7 days a week with sometimes 1 off day in between, I get very low average salary and I have no health insurance. My day mostly goes by 2-4 segments with 25-40min turnaround time for passenger disembarking, cleaning, recatering and another boarding. Then all the glamour goes into trying to sell overpriced food to get another income for company!! You have to deal with drinking, vomiting, rudeness, stupidity, irresponsibility and aggressiveness!! Yes, it happens! Not all the time, but it does!! And you have to deal with it with smile and buddist calmness!! Sometimes you’re sleep deprived and exhausted, cause you’ve exceeded all work time limitations! It’s my modern 21st century FA job! And I love it!! I love my colleagues, I love to see that little peace of World I see, I love my crazy schedule and even my passengers!! The reality of life is that we do the jobs we can, not the ones we dream of! All people work hard, we are all underappreciated and underpaid! Maybe if we tried more to understand, rather than judge other professions and rely on stereotypes – everyone would respect each other more – we would be happier!! After working as clothing salesperson now I never leave mess after myself in a shop!!

    P.S. In every profession there are rude people!! Let’s not throw all beens in one bin!!

  13. Fantastic!I laughed during all your fabulous article!

  14. GET A GRIP LOOSERS!!! // 23/03/2013 at 3:13 PM // Reply

    All these c**ts that are having a winge will never be cabin crew as you need a sick ass sence of humour to get you through your day! Enjoy your office jobs dick wads and think of us when were laying on the beach living the dream!!!!

  15. love it! I hate flying, but cabin crew make it a whole lot easier, thankyou!

  16. Ahem most cabin crew are ex nurses like myself which I believe is more advanced than any clown err king a first aid course !!!

  17. Plus just to add I left nursing to pursue this crew career and I love it don’t regret a min of it but I really object to people assuming we are totally pushing bimbos when I am more qualified than most of our celebrity born out of a lucky bag passengers who think that running over my already blistered feet with an over sized hand luggage whilst expecting me to take two months or more off work whilst dealing with a broken back from lifting it for them cos it says baggage handler in code on my crew badge or a broken finger from you closing the locker in frustration at someone’s bag being bigger than yours or flinging yourself tags at me whilst I’m eating my dinner next to a toilet with the rubbish I just. Collected from the cabin that you. Hide to ignore laud at my feet ….I love my job when missing mg ow kids whilst. Controlling yours …..not much different from nursing still a figure to mock as a bikini bimbo whilst you run to me when your in fear if your life or someone you loves in danger yeah yeah there’s bad points to everyone’s career choice ours is dealing with ignorant rude people who think we deserve their attitude !!!

  18. I have to say that it wouldn’t be for me. I couldn’t smile at people and be polite when I really mean ‘fuck you’! Oh yeah, plus I’m scared of flying…. 😉

  19. stephen jones // 18/04/2013 at 11:12 AM // Reply

    as retired cabin crew, i really do miss the job, not only tghe great slip ports and crew parties but especially the fantastic crew i got to wprk with, yes you did have to be dr, policman, interpreter, diplomat, engineer, chef, magican as well as a host of other multyi skilled professions!

  20. iloveflying // 26/04/2013 at 12:31 AM // Reply

    For those passengers of ours, i can say we all love our jons, thats why we are doing it. We are not saying that you, becouse you work in an office for example, cant be tired after a long day. We just ask you to please treat us as human beings, the you you want to be treated. All this was written here becouse of those kind of people who think the same way as you. If I would walk into your workplace, you say me hi and i would start treat you like a piece of sh….t how would you feel???
    But to be fair, most people who come on board are nice, but those few who are not can be at least annoying.
    Just wondering that if you cant see our point of view here, what do you do in your life????? I do actually feel sorry for you Maria and Passenger of ours……
    Do you want your ass to be kissed??? Behave the way so you can deserve it!!!

  21. A bit much but I see where you’re coming from. I think all of us need to basically treat people how we would like to be treated and everyone would be a lot calmer and happier. The same could be said of most staff who work serving the public, people say stupid, thoughtless things, but you just have to grin and bear it because that’s what you’re paid to do. Unfortunately if you do a repetitive job things will start to wear you down. Just all remember this next time you speak to a bus driver/shop assistant/postman etc, don’t make some sarcastic comment just because you somehow feel superior or you’re in a bad mood, most of the people you actually get to speak to face to face have no say in the actual running of the company BUT they are a representative of it and it is because of that I find this rant slightly off putting. And because no-one makes you do the job. On the other hand I work with the public and have a huge list of “pet hates” so I’m kind of with you, just not sure I would list it all like this as it seems a bit nasty. Oh dear, let the abuse begin…..

  22. Steve Frost // 18/06/2013 at 4:43 PM // Reply

    While I get this and yes it is funny, (I managed the spa on ships- a place notorious for its beauties without brains,) I have also been a passenger and received service from people with the same attitude as this. We had our words for certain types of passengers, like ‘waft’ (waste of fucking time) and various others, but the one thing the service industry taught me was that if you genuinely love it, then no amount of abuse from passengers can turn you into a bitch. In fact one of the things I loved doing was turning a raging lunatic into a smiling, grateful kitten. When I said, welcome aboard, I meant it. So to anyone who is upset about this, understand that people in the service industry regularly have to put up with completely unreasonable people, but also, please don’t think that all service industry staff are out to get you. When your next trolley dolly says to you, ‘your trash,’ they probably are, but just might not be saying, ‘you’re trash!’

  23. Try being a nurse pet – 10 hours before a drink or loo break and usually 13 hour days 4 days in a row. And yes I keep smiling. I’d love to have a long haul flight with a day off after or just serving drinks and having basic first aid knowledge but unfortunately nurses don’t get that luxury. And you are no way underpaid compared to us!! So stop moaning when you have a pretty good life

    • Hi Rebecca. The blog is meant to be very tongue-in-cheek! I love my job, as do most crew I know but as I’m sure you’re aware dealing with the public is a thankless task. I admire you nurses and I don’t know how you do your job! I take my uniform hat off to you all!

    • Rebecca, chill love, it’s a tongue in cheek piece!!! Thank you for the insults though and also for the job you do…. The nurses I know never begrudged my lifestyle and some even left nursing to become CC. There were at least two colleagues who left medicine, one a gynaecologist the other a GP, to become crew with no regrets. I also flew with lots of ex nurses who had more than a basic knowledge of first aid. I have never pretended that I had anything more than a basic knowledge of first aid but at 30,000 ft it’s better than nothing and in a lot of cases it was the difference between life and death! There are even documented cases where CC brought back passengers with CPR etc when the doctor had given up!!! You could go from “just serving drinks” to delivering a baby all in within a few minutes…..

      I have the utmost respect for nurses but I don’t understand why you have a problem with crew and would be worried if you were nursing me with an attitude like yours!!! BTW, salaries have changed drastically since I was crew with CC doing a hell of a lot more for a hell of a lot less!!!!! I also know that basic salaries are higher for nurses than new entrant crew. I am glad I flew as crew when passengers had a lot more manners and had decent working conditions and fantastic trips…… Rebecca….I think it’s time for a career change for yourself or at least a personality transplant!!!!

  24. Cathy Walsh // 18/06/2013 at 9:25 PM // Reply

    We actually pay your wages so we expect service with a smile whether you like it or not. If you hate your job so much then I suggest a change in career!!!!! I would never do a job that made me lie and insult people.

    • That is possibly the most irritating thing you could say to crew ‘you pay my wages’. You don’t, my airline pays my wages. It’s meant very tongue-in-cheek Cathy! I love my job but dealing with the public on a daily basis is a thankless task! I’m sure 99% of crew will agree with me and smile at this blog! Don’t like it? Don’t read it!

    • As an employee in the hotel and catering service, I think this is the most degrading comment you can make. Like she said: you don’t pay our wages, the company does. And the fact that you think you pay our wages doesn’t mean you owe the place and put some attitude in how to treat somebody. Service doesn’t mean you’re entitled to say and do whateveryou want to say and do to cabin crew, bartenders or whatever and that’s the common mistake a lot of people make. If I work, I work with pleasure to do the job I have to do and most of the time that’s satisfying guests, but my work has nothing to do with being treated badly because a guest thinks they’ve paid to act that way… And I LOVE this tongue-in-cheek blogs!!!

    • respect cabincrew // 11/09/2013 at 6:46 PM // Reply

      Wow cathy! You must be a saint! Have you never lie to your boss or probably insult your colleagues before??

      Just to let you know for a budget airline with low cost fare offered to the public, your fare probably goes into paying for the fuel and NOT our wages!

    • Oh dear Cathy… I do hope that with such a common name, you will be lost in the grey dullness of tedium that are passenger lists. Otherwise, if your name had been a little more exciting, like say, Paris Hilton, or Axel Rose, you would have stood out too much & perhaps, by making the schoolgirl error of insulting someone AND leaving your full name, you would have left yourself wide open to the sweet taste of revenge. Rest assured though that, because Cabin Crew are such wonderful people, who, unlike you, DO actually have a sense of humour – you are safe. But seriously, how self-centred are you for actually thinking YOU pay THEIR wages ? Darling… one of them is worth twenty of you.

  25. Well after reading all that I can say just one thing! Don’t stay in the hotels, don’t go to restaurants or shops or anything! No one wants you there, no one cares if you had a bad time on the plane! If you want to moan all the time, stay at home! Everyone has bad times, you’re no different from everyone else. Don’t like it, don’t do it!

    • Serg it’s meant very tongue-in-cheek! A humorous look at our jobs. I, like most crew, love my job. However, dealing with the public is a thankless task and this is a little bit of fun which I think 99% of crew who have a sense of humour would probably agree with me. Don’t like it? Don’t read it!

  26. Merda de trabalho = crappy job, I just hate it. Having to always smile, treat the passengers well even when they don’t deserve it and on top of that being exploited by the company you work for like fucking Ryanair. Modern days slavery = CCM in Ryanair

    • RyrPurser // 09/10/2013 at 2:10 AM // Reply

      Well go back to portugal and work as a waiter for under £600 a month doing 55 hour a week, you work max 1200 hours a year (23h a week), for more than double of that, you just lack the social skills…

  27. I fully agree with 9 of your points…….I flew 36 years with a major Airline…and clearly remember 3/4 occasions in which I ” WAS SORRY ” it was all the times because of MY mistakes , I always preferred trying to explain …rather than Feeling Sorry….With Love Mariano.

  28. Why do cabin crew always say “but I’m here for your safety” when clearly u didn’t go for the joh for safety reasons we all know that so stop using the “safety excuse” and maybe you should just find another job that you will like perhaps consider doing a university degree! I used to be a flight attendant and crew escalate the problem to the passenger without dealing with their frustration which only makes it worst. Tits and teeth? Yah give me a break because that’s the only thing you believe that’s going for you, your just another disgruntled employee who believes you have it tough and that the airline is against you! No problem they can easily replace you with someone who wants to do the job but the problem is you probably won’t leave because you got nothing else better to flaunt your tits & teeth to, As for your sickleave maybe go sick when your sick with a certificate but for the rest of your sick leave don’t abuse the sick leave policy… I could write my own blog at how precious flight attendants are they whinge about anything! 99.8% of hotels hate flight attendants because the “princess” requests they put the hotel staff through and disgusting behaviour! Maybe I will write a huge blog in my expierence working as attendant on how bitchy they are and probably when u see their side I rather just serve a help a passenger who’s upset and unreasonable! I’m sure if for a laugh but to me yourn blog is just evil!

    • Shall I tell you why I went for the job Tyra? Because I love flying, I love aircraft and I love getting to meet new people and see the world. Oh by the way, I have a university degree, I also have 3 diplomas, 10 GCSEs grade A*-C and 3 A levels. No of course I didn’t go for the job for “safety reasons” but Tyra that’s what we are ALL there for. You know what really makes me sick about your comment, is that fact that you say you used to be crew yourself? So you know what it can be like? I’m not a disgruntled crew member, I don’t think my airline is against me. I love my job and I’m very proud of the company I work for. It’s meant as some humour, a tongue-in-cheek look at our job. If you bother to read other posts on my blog you’ll see that I look at the serious side of our role too! But actually, don’t bother. I don’t want someone like you reading or commenting on my blog. Leave it to those who have a sense of humour!!!

    • Unfortunately nowadays with this”crises” and all I have two degrees and a PHD and I am working in this miserable job of flight attendant just because my country is in a very difficult situation and is inviting its people to emigrate. And as I am sure you’re aware it is quite hard to find a good job where you could apply your knowledge in a foreign country.

    • You’re clearly very ugly or fat. Maybe both. And can’t afford to be precious or have the lifestyle that us pretty cabin crew can have. Do yourself a favour and shut up. Thanks. Xx

    • Tyra, crew are there for your safety, FULL STOP!!! Whatever the reason for going for the job, the primary reason for crew to be on board is for YOUR safety!!! So just chillout and stop reading this blog as you obviously don’t get it!! Your rant just goes to show just how ignorant you are and there are many crew embers with degrees!!! You sound very bitter and just a tad jealous. I hope whatever you do and whatever your life has in store for you, you are happy…….

      • I’m also very well educated, ive a number of qualifications including been a qualified trades professional in the construction sector where I worked for 7 years after which I returned to college now ive a qualification in sound engineering , communications, multimedia, media production and in photography….

        I love the buzz of the Airport , I love flying, love helping Guests, but my primary responsibility is to get from A to B safely …. Safety 1st Service 2nd… Injury on board service stops to treat the passenger. We didn’t learn all those SEP off by heart just for the Craic

  29. I work in a service industry and know where you are coming from, and found your post quite humorous 🙂 I love flying and always treat FA’s with respect, kind words and try not to bug them for anything as I know there will always be passengers that will drain them! I know the sectors flown can be long, turnaround time short and then whatever else is happening in their lives … so as a passenger I don’t want to impact anyone negatively. Love the work you all do 🙂

  30. Come on guys, it’s a tongue in cheek article. Most people find their jobs mundane or tiring and there are highs and lows. If the lows are too much, then naturally a person will leave the job. Most of us are working for the pay, not for passion. However, I’m sure most times, service folks like flight attendants do their job diligently and try their best to serve and it’s the same for non-service folks because a job is a job and you have to do it right even if you don’t feel like it. Black sheep are in every industry. That being said, good customer service is a two way street.

    • What you said it’s not that easy to do. Nowadays to change job is harder than before. This profession is very ungratful, stressful, bad for your health ( air conditioning, pressure, radiation, and on and on), bad pay, at least in Ryanair if you don’t fly you don’t get payed, they abuse of their workers, threaten us constantly like: “You need to improve your average spend, your onboard sales or we will have to let you go.” They are taking advantage of the crises in Europe, big time. And because everybody is afraid of being sacked, we endure the abuse.

      In Ryanair we pay the uniform, training course, and we never receive what is owed to us from our 2.5% of the sales bonus. You are not payed for the briefings turnarounds and debriefings, you just get payed for the time you’re in the air. If you don’t fly you just don’t get payed. There is not a fix salary that you can count on in case you’re not called to fly. You’re not payed for standby periods either.

      EX: A few days back I had a flight to BOH, it was canceled due to the french strike, I was at Ryanair’s disposal for five hours working for free. Is this abuse or not? We knew the day before that the BOH flight would be canceled and if I didn’t show up I would most likely have been sacked. I was’t even payed for my expenses like fuel and the car park.

      I ask again, do you think this is a good job? No it is the most abusive and disgusting job I’ve ever had the unfortunate to come across. Because I need it I have to endure until I find something else.

  31. It’s a tongue in cheek article. It won’t please everybody. I had fun reading it. Most people find their jobs mundane or tiring and there are highs and lows. If the lows are too much, then naturally a person will leave the job. Most of us are working for the pay, not for passion. However, I’m sure most times, service folks like flight attendants do their job diligently and try their best to serve and it’s the same for non-service folks because a job is a job and you have to do it right even if you don’t feel like it. Black sheep are in every industry. That being said, good customer service is a two way street.

  32. Next time i have to deal with a mad pax i will only have ”Teeth and tits, teeth and tits!” in my head hahahahaha thanks!

  33. Best summary of our job ever! Laughed so hard and shared it with my partner who hears my ranting all day. For the haters writing annoying feedback like “get a new job whinge whinge” you are either A. Ugly and fat and could never get this job. B. an ugly fat annoying passenger. Or C. Just a useless twit with no sense of humour. You’re comments aren’t valid here. Bye-bye now bye-bye.

  34. Yeah, I kind of thought the same thing as somebody else, if you hate your job so much, then why not get another one? seems a shame to be stuck in a metal tube doing something you hate 🙂 that said, I can see the humour in this 🙂 Happy flying!

  35. FellowFA // 23/06/2013 at 1:48 AM // Reply

    HAHAHAAH! That’s all I have to say!
    And to all haters… don’t you get it? It’s called H.U.M.O.U.R! Get a life!

    -A fellow FA

  36. the service industry does suck! I only had grumpy FAs on Ethopian flights, all other were friendly, maybe because I am always friendly, never ask for anything if I am even awake. the funny side of the story is if you work for a low cost airline or a big one with all the benefits etc the complaints I am hearing are all the same. my friend works 40 hours a month as FA for a salary I had to work 200 hours for as I was still in the fast food business. I know he is one of the lucky ones working for a major airline, still his complaints are the same I have read here.
    just one more thing, FAs for my saftey??? I am sorry, if that plane comes down, there is nothing you can do! if we make it to the ground alive you dont know how you will behave unless you have been on a burning aircraft with a human BBQ before please don’t tell me you know you are going to help. training my ass you dont know how you will behave in an extreme situation without having encountered it before.
    sorry for all the grammar, spelling etc. sleep deprived and unable to sleep.

    • I’m sorry jack but I totally disagree with your comment regarding safety and find it very insulting. Yes none of us know how we would react should the worst of the worst happen, however, what about in a minor emergency? Precautionary landings? Medical emergencies? A decompression? An evacuation similar to the BA at LHR a few weeks ago? A fire onboard? And hundreds of other scenarios that we are trained for? Yes, in a major crash we may not be able to help you due to our own incapacitation, but in a scenario such as those I’ve mentioned that is exactly what we are there for! Would you know how to fight a fire onboard an aircraft? Would you know how to evacuate an aircraft safely? Would you know where all our medical equipment is to treat a passenger who is unwell? Would you know how to assist passengers in a decompression or how to access the flight deck during a pilot incapacitation? No, I don’t think you would? So please spare me the crap that we are not there for your safety, cus I’m certainly not there to serve tea and coffee and smile at idiots like you!

    • Jack, you are a damn fool!!! If your salary is crap get a better job!!!! Crew are there, first and foremost, for your SAFETY!!!!! Crew are trained in emergency equipment and situations, aviation medicine and umpteen other things. You are right, no amount of training can predict how you would behave in an emergency but I would rather have a crew member who knows where safety equipment is, how emergency procedures work and if I have medical problem they may be able to help me. I am sooooooo glad I no longer fly as CC so I don’t have to put up with ignorant arseholes like you!!!! Jeez, you’re a dick!!!!

  37. Reblogged this on SS / random and commented:
    OMG! I can’t believe it! LOL!

  38. Excellent! My Wife, Mum, Grandmum and Sister were all Cabin Crew at one point! Brilliant article!

  39. I never knew being a flight attendant was this bad. maybe because they just kept smiling all the time whenever I went aboard the aircraft. LOL

  40. Then you drop the guests off to us -the holiday advisor. Guests as mad as hell…..thanks….but then again, if your reading this you probably don’t give a shit anyway!! From another point of view.

  41. You’re amazing l love your work keep it up!! l pissed myself laughing at point 7.. lf it’s not on my tray bitch l don’t have it!! HAHAHA 🙂 Made my day. l did the domestic 4 sector days for years and dreamt of international finally got it. Loved it – now over it. There is a shelf life for some of us. For others its a lifetime job. Whatever floats your boat. All l know is l am nicer more caring person for having worked as cabin crew. Holding an old lady’s hand whilst oxygen was being administered to reassure her. Watching 3 cabin crew administer CPR and defib on the galley floor to a passenger on landing. Unbelievable stuff. l thought she was dead. She lived 🙂 Thanks to cabin crew. Thanks ya’all have a nice day now xoxo

  42. Sharing the same sentiments lol! Very well said. Cheers to us the real heroes of the sky! =)

    http://www.runwayfarer.com

  43. Although I enjoyed this blog I feel thoroughly depressed now, I have seen people be rude to airline staff and treat them like slaves “getting their money worth” but the majority are not and like me only expect the basics without being treat like I have spat on you. Last week I flew 10hrs to Houston alone with a 4yr old and a nearly 2yr old (on my lap), trust me I would have done anything to avoid it if possible as you can see from my blog http://ashliesugarrushed.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-epic-journey.html and I would never do it again. I was promised an extra seat for my toddler which didn’t happen despite 2 being available but after very politely reminding 3 members of staff who all said they would do it after take off, it never happened and I was too scared to ask again.

    The flight was hell with my toddler cramped on my knee, I couldn’t accept my meals or reach into my bag because apart from already annoying the staff (by just being on the flight according to you) I didn’t want to annoy the lovely stranger next to me by getting up and not one member of staff offered any help…or eye contact after take off. My children were very well behaved considering and I can only imagine what the staff and other passenger’s were thinking when I boarded however what you have to remember is that this is YOUR territory not ours, some people have never flown before or are terrified of flying or just don’t realise asking for an extra glass of water will put you out so much. Its kind of like a hospital everyone is under your care for the next x hrs, some are worst than others none of us can get off if its too much but we are all in this together and certainly shouldn’t be all tarred with the same bitter brush. x

  44. lovethismetaltubebitch // 09/10/2013 at 3:38 PM // Reply

    Cabin crew you suck!!! o wait im cabin crew hehehehe love the blog and ppl plzzzzzzz have a sence of humor

  45. I know how you feel.. // 09/10/2013 at 3:43 PM // Reply

    Wow, some people need to learn how to take a joke! We need to complain about our job so we can get all the hate out and leave room for all the love we have for it! And maybe we do complain a lot.. but so what? It’s not like we complain about our passengers to their faces haha! At the end of the day we still manage to get our jobs done and get off the plane looking 10 times better than how any passenger looked getting on 😉

  46. FA Maria // 09/10/2013 at 6:36 PM // Reply

    This block is so funny. There is so much truth in it.
    I work for a low cost airline so I don’t stay in any hotels or nice places but I do like the job other wise I wouldn’t do it. The only problem most of the time is that people don’t like some key points of the company they fly with and they try to take it out on the FA. That is wrong, because we can’t change it and still won’t be able to let you do what is by our company is limited. I find it really hard to smile to you when I explain something 3 times to a pax and they still not do it is just pure rudeness.
    But I really love the block and some of the comments in here!! ;o)

  47. You left one out…”I’ll be right back”…which usually means F U. Or so a flight attendant friend once told me. Love your blog BTW!

  48. m a first officer … and guys you make or life easier . love you cc and about the block it made me laugh my lungs out 😀 ( teeth and tits teeth and tits ) lmfao . cheers

  49. i did know that before, that is why i do not never give a rat ass about plane craw

  50. JP.Filipe (Jota) // 10/10/2013 at 8:50 PM // Reply

    Can someone advise me a good company to work!? I’ve read this post and decided that I no longer want to be an emergency doctor.. your life is so easy compared to mine!!! 🙂 nice blog!

  51. Great work man
    n another lie is that “I do want to provide this fuckin tbing to u which u demanded but our company not. It should’ve been thr for ur comfort on these long haul flts.

  52. Sparkylong // 16/10/2013 at 7:39 PM // Reply

    The 2 professions that are most similar to mine, being an emergency physician / ER doc?: cops & flight attendants. We see everything, hear everything, are expected to do everything, & get the very best of people (patients; passengers; victims.) & the very worst (patients; passengers; thugs). I love my job as often as I hate it. I figure that’s pretty good. ‘Cheers, lovely lady. And keep on blogging.

  53. Yikes. If that is true, i would like to know which airline you’re (or used to) work for so i know which to skip when i book for a flight. 😉

  54. magnificent put up, very informative. I ponder why the opposite experts of this sector do not notice this.
    You must continue your writing. I’m sure, you’ve a great readers’ base already!

  55. this is like the story about the mand who was hammering on his hand with a hammer and his friend say’s “why are you doing this madness…. ooohhh because it’s so nice when i stop doing it”

    THIS ARTIKEL IS MADE BY A VERY ANGRY PASSENGER, WHO GOT REFUSED BY HIS WIFE LAST NIGTH (if he’s is lucky enough to have found one who can stand him out)

    I believe if whatever kind job you have and this was your every day experience, you had quit it long time ago….

  56. I fly empty cabins to tropical islands all the time lol! And when I have passengers I receive appreciation for the job I do. I love being appreciated, it motivates me to provide you with the best possible service, to go above and beyond for your pleasure and comfort on board.
    It all comes to who your passengers are! The kind of people I fly would never care to give you hard time, they just want to get from point A to point B, sleep on board and enjoy the day at their destination.
    If they want some special food or amenity they make sure they bring it with them on board. Simple!!!
    Why giving you hard time???? I don’t give hard time when I am the customer, I may tell you if something is wrong, I believe in giving feedback. But I also believe in treating people right.
    It is the little, bitter, unsatisfied regular employee, who has to make sure that if he is miserable, so is everybody else. That’s because they have not seen better in their lives. Poor, poor millions of dumb arse sad people……
    Wish them all a happier life!

  57. fuck it ime goin on a coach

  58. Rebekah Hughes // 12/02/2014 at 6:13 PM // Reply

    Hi..
    Just wanted to let you know thT my first airplane ride was in 1999. I had never been on a plane and was very scared. I had thw sweetest crew member sit with me and helped me not to be afraid..I want to say to all of the crew members THANK YOU…You have to go through so much crap on what little sleep or food you’ve had ..and you still smile….I love the artical .. I laughed..so again Thank You foryour service 🙂

  59. The Flying Ostrich (a.k.a. The snoring Captain) // 29/04/2014 at 5:27 PM // Reply

    Butthurt comments, butthurt comments everywhere. Very entertainment-worthy.

    Oh, come on. That’s why the site is called “Confessions of a TROLLey dolly”. It’s meant to be tongue-in-cheek; it’s just for fun!

    Seriously, this needs to be featured in The Onion!

  60. Haha! Ups, our secrets are out in the open! I guess a lot of cabin crew will agree with your article 😉
    It’s a challenge sometimes, but we always manage, even if we are minimum crew, with a looot of pax on board.. What to do.. 😀

  61. Margareth // 07/10/2014 at 4:02 AM // Reply

    When I started my job as CC, those first 6 months were incredibly disappointing. Not because of the job itself, but because of the way many passengers behave. And not just towards us, crew, but also to one another and how they make a mess of the space they used! Cookie crumbs everywhere, dirty diapers stashed underneath the seat… I guess that’s what they do at home too then?

    I have a masters degree (many of us do), but people often seem to think CC can’t even spell their own names. How about this passenger asking me for a cup of coffee, speaking slooooowly, pronouncing every single word as if I’m a toddler, after which she continued conversing perfectly normal to her (embarrassed) fellow passenger. I handed her the coffee, speaking in the exact same way. She then realised what she had done and looked as if she saw a ghost, totally embarrassed. Her friend laughed, but she (the insulting woman) didn’t bother to apologise.

    Now, the fact she treated me as if I’m stupid – annoying, yes. Does that part make me hate my job sometimes? No. But it is the impoliteness of NOT apologising afterwards that makes me hate my job sometimes. Isn’t it perfectly normal to offer your apologies in case you’re wrong about something, mistreated anyone then get to your senses, stood on their toes with your whole 280 pounds or whatever you would like to have an apology for yourself if that happens to you? Not because you’re passenger, but because you’re a human being!

    I quit my former job to be CC, because I thought it would be an awesome job. I was right – most of the time it is! Nevertheless, I’m getting to the point that I’m done with my job because of those particular passengers. The ones who think it’s OK to be impolite towards people serving you drinks and food. Or the people I meet at, for instance, a birthday party, finding out I’m CC and feel the need to talk to me about all the bad experiences they have had during flights. Sort of keeping me responsible for all that what went wrong, making fun of my job, not knowing me, not even my name!
    The nerve they have… It’s just so uncivilised *slowly nods head*

  62. Reblogged this on Les Chroniques d'une Hôtesse de l'air and commented:
    Les hôtesses mentent-elles? En voici la preuve…

  63. This made me nearly cry with laughter! You really articulate the frustration and stress of being a air hostess so well.

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