Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls a very warm welcome onboard. Please stow your hand luggage, take your seats, shut up and belt up.
Recently I asked my lovely followers on social media to answer the following statement, ‘You know you’re Cabin Crew when…..’
There were some very interesting, insightful and hilarious responses, all of which if you’ve ever been a flight attendant, you will totally understand.
Take a look and see how many you agree with and if you have any you would like to add, then please pop them in the comments section below.
‘You know you’re Cabin crew when……….’
- You constantly say please and thank you after ever sentence, with a fake smile plastered across your face.
- You put on your cabin shoes to do the hoovering, cooking, ironing, washing-up, cleaning etc.
- When you eat all your meals behind a curtain, stood up or sat on top of a box in the corner of the room.
- You can’t give directions without looking like you’re doing the safety demo.
- You answer your phone saying, “Hi, it’s me at doors……..”.
- The Captain gives you a bollocking because he doesn’t think the cheeseboard is up to scratch.
- The doorbell goes at home and you automatically look to the ceiling to see where that bloody call bell has just gone off.
- You get on a bus or train and you have to stop yourself from telling people to put their bags under the seat in front. STOP IT! You’re not in work now!
- You have to stop yourself before you wipe your hands on the curtain at home.
- When you can apply lipstick and make-up perfectly, without a mirror and without going over the edges, boys too.
- You are officially a geek and see airport codes in car registration plates.
- When traveling as a passenger you un-cross your legs, adopt your landing position and carry out a 30 second review when the plane comes in to land, just in case.
- NOTHING shocks or surprises you anymore, no matter what people do.
- All of your pens have different hotel names on them, but you still hate lending them to a passenger.
- You hate everyone for everything, all the time.
- When you try to put the break on your trolley, then curse because you think you’ve got ANOTHER dodgy trolley, then you realise you’re actually in the supermarket, not onboard an aircraft and your trolley is actually a shopping trolley.
- Your super excited to get a seat onboard while on standby and the crew recognize you’re an FA before you even mention it.
- When you touch your airline ID on your front door to get in at home.
- You are an expert at walking down the aisle at break-neck speed, without making eye contact with a single passenger.
- As soon as you slip on that ‘gorgeous’ polyester uniform you’re hungry, you’re tired and the Tourette’s start……“F*@K YOU”, “F*@K THIS”,”F*@K THAT”, “I CAN”T BE F*@KIN BOTHERED”.
- You stand at doorways like an idiot saying “Buh-bye. Thank you. Have a nice day”.
- You start calling people Sir and Madam in the supermarket.
- The polyester is off for a week and your sat on a plane going on a well-earned holiday, but you can’t stop yourself from looking up every time a call bell goes off.
- You lock your front door and get someone to cross-check it.
- In a hotel room you can cook a full meal using the coffee pot and iron, use the ice bucket liner to keep your remote control in and check every bed for signs of bed bugs.
- A workmen comes to your house and you tell them where the toilets are and serve them tea or coffee on a tray.
- You refer to cities using their airport codes, which becomes very confusing for family and friends who are not in the industry. “Where the f@*k is DXB???”.
- Insomnia becomes a fact of life.
- You put ‘pop’ in front of everything “Just pop your tray table away”, “Pop your seat-belt on for me”, “Pop your hand luggage away”, “Just Pop your seat-back upright”.
- You make yourself aware of the nearest exits and how they work, wherever you are.
- It’s your round, you ask your mates in the pub if they want a drink and then follow it up with, “Ice and lemon with that?”.
- You excuse yourself when someone bumps in to you.
- You finish your food before anyone else has even picked up their knife and fork.
- You discover bruises where you never knew bruises could appear and wonder how the hell they got there?
- You can pack a suitcase in two minutes flat.
- You are excellent at multi tasking.
- When friends come round for dinner and all you offer them is ‘chicken or beef?’.
- You look for the latches on your kitchen cupboards.
- You constantly live out of your suitcase.
- When you can swear in 20 different languages “vete para la verga!”, “Vaffanculo”, “Ay gamisou”, “Verpiss dich!”.
- When you’re onboard a flight and you dare not touch the call bell for fear of that icy stare from another crew member, like the one you give to passengers on your flights when they dare to press it.
- When you call bin-liners, gash bags and everyone looks at you strangely like you’ve said a dirty word.
- You have asbestos hands and can remove hot trays from the oven, without a glove or tea towel.
- When you add your ID number after signing something.
- When you disembark an aircraft as a passenger and open all the overhead lockers, checking if anyone has left anything behind.
- You try to sell your stinking, ‘well worn’ crew shoes to dirty perverts on eBay.
- When you find it normal for people to greet you with a seat number, rather than hello!
- When you dream about calls bells, missing a call out from standby or sleeping in on your first day back in work.
- Your house constantly has that aircraft smell which is being generated from your crew bag.
- You own two sets of uniform – one for the skinny days and one for the fat days.
- You’ve read every single celebrity gossip magazine from cover to cover more than once.
- When a little girl (or boy) comes up to you in the terminal and says “When I grow up, I want to be like you”.
- No matter how much you say you hate your job, you secretly love it and cannot think of another role that would match this life. Once flying is in your blood it’s hard to do anything else.
- You understand every one of these points.
© confessionsofatrolleydolly.com by Dan Air.