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The A-Z Of Aeroplane Jetiquette.

The Oxford English dictionary defines the word ‘Etiquette’ as “the customary code of polite behaviour in society or among members of a particular profession or group”.

Unfortunately, some of our beloved passengers have completely forgotten ‘the customary code of polite behaviour in society’ and more specifically onboard our aircraft. Here at Confessions Of A Trolley Dolly (with a little help from my gorgeous Facebook followers) we have created a helpful little guide to improve passengers safety and comfort.

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Detailing acceptable and unacceptable behaviour onboard aircraft around the globe, the A to Z of Aeroplane ‘Jetiquette’ should be studied just as closely as your safety card. Please take a few moments to read through the list, it could well be a useful tool in your survival onboard.

On behalf of cabin crew everywhere, we wish you a very pleasant flight.

A is for Aisle. You’ve paid for your seat, not this incredibly narrow part of the cabin, up and down which we have to push trollies, mince/strut backwards and forwards to the galley all whilst attempting to look busy. You will lose arms and/or legs, if a stray limb remains while I’m out with the service. Please also note, the aisle is NOT a place for your child to be racing up and down. You have been warned!

B is for baggage. Don’t bring too much of it with you. That locker space above your head isn’t solely for your oversized trolley, which I’m pretty sure is WAY above our cabin limits. Don’t expect me to get a hernia or bad back whilst lifting it for you. Will you be paying my wages while i’m off sick? No, neither will my airline. If you can’t hack it, don’t pack it. I touch it, I tag it. You pack it, you stack it. Get the gist?

You pack it. You stack it!

You pack it. You stack it!

B is also for Boarding Pass. Believe us when we say we are not asking to see it again because we want to, it’s because we have to. “I’ve already shown it a million times”, I don’t care. “I’ve put it away now”, I don’t care, take it out. “She took it off me in the terminal”, she didn’t. “I’ve lost it”, well you better bloody find it then hadn’t you? By the way, screaming your seat number at me will not deter me from seeing your boarding pass. Personally I couldn’t care less what seat you’re in. As long as it’s not in my cabin you’ll be fine.

C is for Call Bell. Press it ONLY if there is a REAL emergency and by real emergency I’m talking raging inferno, the engine and/or wing has fallen off, that kind of thing. It should not be pressed if you want me to take your rubbish, right after we’ve just done a clear-in. Nor should it be used if you want another beer to go with the four we’ve just served you literally five minutes ago. “Press it again sir, and I WILL break your fingers”.

C is also for ‘Calm the f*@k down‘…….We’ve ran out of chicken, not fuel!

D is for Disembarking. Please do it quickly. Chances are, you’ve been onboard with us for a good few hours. Therefore you’ve had plenty of time to get your shit together. We have homes to go to you know. And no you can’t visit the flight deck, Captains busy with the new girl. Sorry.

D is also for DO NOT touch, poke or prod me, pull my uniform or click your fingers to get my attention! All you have to do is utter two simple words ‘Excuse me’. How would you like it if I poked or prodded you to get your attention? Clicked my fingers at you when I ask if you would like a drink? Or worst still, pulled on your designer jacket to see if you want the beef or chicken? Oh you wouldn’t like it? Well neither do we.

E is for Electronic Devices. If your crew ask you to turn them off, just switch them off. Once again we’re not asking for the fun of it. Don’t argue with us, or question why you have to, just do it. Yes, some airlines will let you leave it on, mine doesn’t and yet again I’m just doing my job and I really do not have to justify myself to you.

F is for First Class. Ah yes, first class. Home of the rich, famous and ‘Don’t you know who I ams?’ of the world. If you are sat in this sacred part of the cabin, lucky you. Please don’t make faces at the economy scum, sorry passengers as they board, some have been known to bite. If you’re one of the lucky few blessed with an upgrade, then for gods sake act like you belong there.

"Get the fuck out of my galley!"

“Get the fuck out of my galley!”

G is for Galley. This is our space. Our rest area, where we try to grab some peace from our passengers. Where we will tuck in to one of our hideous crew meals and discuss the latest goings on with Galley FM gossip (for more details on Galley FM gossip, click here). If the curtain is closed take this as a sign, FUCK OFF!

H is for Headphones. Take them out. I will not be repeating myself. This is a one time offer ‘Do you want anything from the trolley?’ Don’t wave the end of the cord in my face. Do you know what an idiot you look wearing earphones that aren’t attatched to anything?

I is for Illness. If you do have to travel when you’re poorly, please keep away from us. Wash your hands, use a tissue, cover your mouth and drink plenty of fluids to prevent dehydration. Please don’t hand me a snotty hanky or leave it in the seat pocket, flush it. We come in to contact with hundreds of the great unwashed every day, all carrying their own array of germs and bugs. For a new starter in the flight attendant world, being ill becomes a fact of life and in the cut-throat airline industry, our management are often less than sympathetic during cabin crews probation period.

J is for Jet Lag. Never cross a jet lagged dolly. There are numerous ways passengers can combat its effects. But for your hard-working crew who are potentially on minimum rest, working their asses off to please and serve you, whilst (probably) suffering with the hang-over from hell after last nights partying, the effects can really take their toll. If you want to know the secrets to beating the dreaded jet lag, be sure to check out our 9 Natural Ways to Cure Jet Lag.

K is for KEEP YOUR STINKING FEET OFF THE BULKHEADS! Why do people do it? I understand it maybe more comfortable, but no one wants to see your hairy toes, disgusting nails, discoloured socks, or have to endure the stench coming from your size 10’s. Feet should be kept firmly on the floor, preferably in suitable footwear.

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L is for lavatory. Clearly, the most confusing thing EVER onboard an aircraft. “Is there anyone in there?”, NO! It says vacant sir, much like the look in your eyes. “How does the door open?”, Much the same as any other door madam. There’s the frequent dilemma of not knowing how to use the flush. The big button marked ‘FLUSH’ is a slight give away. Many struggle with how to wash their hands, or where the bin is located for used hand towels or dirty nappies. Urine soaked floors, STDs growing on the walls, filthy toilet seats, yet people still want to have sex in them. WHY?

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M is for Manners. Look, it’s quite simple, they cost NOTHING. A simple please and thank you go a very long way, please use them!

N is for Nappies. Parents, please don’t change your child on the vacant seat next to you, no matter how big the queue is for the toilet. Not only does it stink out the cabin, it’s pretty disgusting as some unsuspecting passenger will have to sit there after you. Use the designated changing facilities in the toilets, it’s so much easier. Then dispose of the nappy in the bin. DO NOT leave it in the seat pocket and PLEASE do not hand it to me when I’m collecting rubbish or even worse eating in the galley.

O is for Offensive Odours. This includes smelly feet, BO, farting and any other smell that will make your crew and fellow passengers gag. I’ve lost count of the amount of ‘guests’ I’ve ordered to put their shoes back on because their feet stink. We all sweat, I understand that and what with the rush and stress of the airport, it’s only natural you might get a little under-arm odour. So come prepared. Bring yourself a little freshen up kit, pop to the loo and do just that, freshen the f@*k up. If a passenger boards smelling of stale BO, like they haven’t washed themselves or their clothes for weeks, we may be forced to off load you. There really is no excuse for poor personal hygiene, especially not in a confined space like an aircraft.

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P is for Public Announcement (PA). When I’m speaking, you shouldn’t be, simple. Believe it or not, some inflight announcements can be quite funny and worthwhile listening too. Check out Confessions Of A Trolley Dolly Inflight Manual PA Book for some of the best.

P is also for Patience. If you’re travelling anywhere these days, you’re going to have to have patience by the bucket load. The stress of the airport, security, boarding, delays etc; a little patience will go a long way. Getting frustrated is not going to help and neither will screaming at me. Please be warned that if you do scream at me or one of my colleagues, you’re going to need a lot more patience as you wait for the next flight because believe me, i’ll have already thrown you off this one.

Q is for Queuing. Following on from patience. At any airport or onboard the aircraft you’ll be doing it a lot. You’ll queue to board; you’ll queue to get to your seat; you may have to queue to use the lavatory. You’ll queue as you wait to be served, unless you’re sat up front; you’ll queue to disembark and then you’ll queue at passport control. Refer to letter P for assistance dealing with this.

R is for Reading Light. It’s the button marked with a light bulb. Pressing this will turn on your reading light. The other button is the cabin crew call bell. Pressing this will NOT turn on your cabin crew!

S is for Smile. We’re meant to smile and many of us do, most of the time. So why not try it yourselves and give us a little smile back every now and then. Many of you are going on your holidays, at least try to look like you’re excited about it.PC No SHoes

S is also for Socks. For gods sake wear them. DO NOT walk around bare-foot. Aircraft floors and carpets are disgusting, full of germs and disease and PLEASE, for your own safety NEVER, I repeat NEVER, go into an aircraft toilet bare-foot. That’s not water swishing about on the floor.

S can also be for Sunglasses. It’s the middle of the night, the cabin lights are off, yet those ‘too-cool-for-school’ boys and girls still feel the need to wear their fake Ray-Bans. Take them off, you’re just embarrassing yourself now.

T is for Trolley. Keep out of its way. Don’t touch it. Don’t try to place your rubbish on top of it and for gods sake don’t try and squeeze past it when i’m pouring a hot steaming coffee.

T is also for Tray Tables. Yes, the cause of many an argument between grown adults and a nightmare for any passenger sat in front of a darling child that thinks it’s a toy. Please use your common sense and be courteous towards the passenger in front. It should NOT be put up and down more times than a Virgin hosties knickers.

T can also be for Turbulence. Ah yes, the dreaded T word for any nervous flyer out there. Personally I love it. I hear a lot of crew describe it as ‘Just like bumps in the road’. Yeah right! What roads do you know that have a 35,000 feet drop below?

U is for your Undivided Attention, especially during the safety demo. Believe it or not, we’re not waving our arms around and messing up our perfectly coiffed hair, trying to put on the life jacket for the fun of it. Yes, I know you’re a frequent flyer. Yes, I know you’ve seen it a million times before, but it literally takes just a few minutes out of your very busy schedule. Thank you.

U is also for Understanding. Understand that your beautiful, highly trained, highly skilled cabin crew are people too. Please at least try to treat us with a little respect.

V is for Vomit. Please use a sick bag, or go to the toilet. I know it’s not pleasant being poorly locked in a metal tube, bouncing and swaying around at 39,000 feet, but please try your hardest not to get it all over the floor, or up the walls, or on the person sat next to or in front of you. Please don’t expect any sympathy if your vomiting is self-inflicted.

W is for ‘Where are we now? “Sorry madam, my in-built sat nav is on the blink. But to narrow it down we’re somewhere between the ground and the moon”.

W is also for ‘What have you got?” One of the biggest pet-hates for all cabin crew.

X is for X-rated Activities, the mile-high club. If you’re going to do it then, for gods sake be discreet about it. We’re fully aware of what’s going on underneath your see-through blanket. Why not fly with Singapore Airlines? The private suits on their A380 fleet are perfect for some mile-high orgies.

Y is for Yes (and no) Answers? “Tea or coffee”, “Yes”. Well which one? “Milk or sugar?”, “no”. Then 5 seconds after you move the trolley, “excuse me can I have some milk”. “Beef or chicken sir?”, “yes”. Aaaarrrggghhhh.

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Z is for ‘ZZZZZZZ’ sleeping. There are a few simple rules. If you snore, we may wake you. No one likes to be sat next to someone who sounds like a freight train for the whole flight. Once again, be courteous to those around you. The lady or gent in the next seat does not want your head on their shoulder. Please be careful of dribbling and for all the gentlemen onboard, please be mindful of your ‘morning glory’.

There we have it, the full run down of the A-Z of Aeroplane ‘Jetiquette’. If you have any comments then please feel free to post them on the comments card below, the crew will dispose of them as necessary.

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© confessionsofatrolleydolly.com by Dan Air.

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About Confessions of a Trolley Dolly (55 Articles)
confessionsofatrolleydolly.com brought to you by International Gay Trolley Dolly, Dan Air ! Come & join us onboard as we take a peek behind the galley curtain with all your cabin crew & aviation news, galley gossip, glamour & humerous tales of life at 39,000 feet!

91 Comments on The A-Z Of Aeroplane Jetiquette.

  1. letsdeadheadtogether // 05/02/2014 at 4:41 AM // Reply

    Trivia: While Singapore Airlines’ suites provide complete visual privacy, they are not sound proof. The engineer said they can make it that way, it’s just the company wouldn’t want that. Neither do us crews, and the cleaning service.

  2. Another example of someone forgetting the basic tenets of the hospitality industry (yes it’s still hospitality). The job us what it is, if you can hack it don’t do it. People pay airfares that pay your wages so have a little more respect. Moan moan moan….every time I travel a “trolley dolley” always has a fave like thunder, no such thing as customer service on airlines these days, just a constant look of disgust

    • Paladin thanks for your comment. As with many of my posts it’s meant very tongue in cheek. A bit of humour for my fellow cabin crew about things that they will all completely understand. Apologies if you’ve received terrible customer service onboard aircraft. You’ve clearly never flown with me.

      • Paladin // 05/02/2014 at 3:29 PM //

        Thanks for your reply. I get it’s a hard job, no doubt. Many flights I go on do lack any level of decent customer service but I must say I found Etihad to be the best individual flying experience I’ve had

      • Jacquie Russell // 05/02/2014 at 5:49 PM //

        Paladin for your information its not about ‘hospitality’ its about ‘safety’ – an important fact that flyers like you seem to forget. Trolley Dollies – aka Cabin Crew are not there to amuse you, feed you or entertain you – just like the captain they are there to make sure you get safely from A to B so irrespective of whether or not like the rest of humanity ‘you pay the wages of somebody else’ you would be wise to respect this. The only ‘moaners’ are generally those who think they’ve paid the earth for their seat and therefore have the god given right to treat the Safety Officer attached to that cabin like a personal skivvy – wrong. You pay for the privilege of flying and if you can’t hack that get the train the boat or the bus!

      • Paladin // 06/02/2014 at 12:29 AM //

        Jaqui… For your information I personally don’t hassle cabin crew for anything unecessary. So never basically, and I’m sure would be considered a respectful and undemanding passenger. So your point about safety is mute as I have never got in the way of that by making a nuisance of myself. However hospitality should at least stretch to not having to watch cabin crew: roll their eyes at people in full view of all passengers, vocally huff at a situation on top of disgusting looks and tones of voice.

        Privilidge of flying? What is this the 1950’s? Wake up its no longer a privilidge… It’s an customer driven industry, where at some points you can get flights online for £1 before taxes!

        In short, I don’t expect much for the cost of my airfare but non abrasiveness would suffice

      • Scribe // 25/07/2014 at 9:17 AM //

        Paladin would do well to remember what he/she him/herself wrote: it IS a hospitality industry and for this the ‘trolley dollys’ (just like waiters, waitresses, hotel check-in clerks, etc. etc.) should be afforded the same courtesy and respect that he/she expects from the trolley dollies…because slavery was abolished in the 1800’s.

    • Clearly you think your cabin crew are there as servants and that manners and decent courtesy is optional. Actually your crew are there for your safety and although most of our customers are awesome and enjoyable there are those like the ones described that lack class and do not deserve respect. There are also crew that require a leave of absence. I am sure there are things about your job that you find annoying. This article is well written, humorous and reflects what annoys us about you, our customer, As well as your reactive response to it. I suggest don’t fly, take a bus.. Possibly find your funny bone. Have a Valium and chill.

      • Paladin // 06/02/2014 at 11:01 PM //

        Patrick, if you had actually read my previous comments, I very rarely call on cabin staff for anything on my travels it’s a means to get from a to b.

        The cabin staff have a minimal impact on my safety in flight, the pilot has a big impact, as does a life jacket etc. The trolley dolley is a mannequin for the video they play anyway. Not exactly a massive safety implication.

        Again not asking much, just a but of courtesy

      • Paladin, as your comment about cabin staff/pilot safety impact is completely uneducated I will be deleting your comment. I also take great offence to your ‘mannequin’ comment. I sincerely hope you never have to see the real job your cabin crew are trained for and I mean that, no matter how much of an idiot you’ve made yourself out to be with your comments!

    • Youngandvibrant // 07/02/2014 at 4:48 AM // Reply

      To paladin : I hope you ‘ve commented just to joke and to withdraw attention here, it sounds so uneducated to me, especially about the safety, in case of emergency do you know how to operate the door safely without delaying evacuation coz time is very crucial at this phase, and if the slides failing to inflate do your brain know what to do ? And if someone having angina or heart attack do you have source other than us to save them? And if a pregnant woman due in the aircraft for baby delivery do you think who going to be hero saving the mother and the baby life? Sorry to say but you sounded Like cold blooded creature Who doesnt care about shit Other than your self, Maybe you were trying to give business card to one of us or Maybe more and get rejected, sorry for That honey, you got a complain to say Sure you have the gut To write or say It straight to the Crew on board Other than be miserable here , and ask yourself the question how the hell crew always look at you disgusted?

      • Paladin // 07/02/2014 at 11:32 AM //

        It was meant with a large element of jest. Though the pilot I would say has a more pivotal role.
        It was out of frustration that many fail to see my simple point of widespread poor customer service of cabin crew. Though obviously there are exceptions

      • My god are you employees defensive! I, for one, wouldn’t want anyone like you attending to my customers. If you hate your job and customers so much why don’t you just quit & take a job picking up litter along the highway so as to not be such a pestilence on society.

    • You are clearly not cabin crew -_-

    • Paladin,
      it takes 2 to tango. If your manners were as you say you more than likely would not be thinking or saying this.
      WE are there for your safety. Its just a bonus you get a drink and some food. The plane would not function without the flight attendants. We have been trained for all situations except your bad behavior.

      When we ask you to push your bag under the seat in front of you for take off and landing for the 100th time as if you never heard it on the safety video. Its not because we are picking on you. The FAA has mandated requirements all of these hazards for your safety. Why do we need to explain to you why or ask you to do them 10 times. While you roll your eyes at us.

      Look up the reasons on the internet if you are so curious why you need to push your bags under the seat in front of you. Why your seat needs to be in the upright position. Why your baby chair needs to be in the window seat. Why you need to have your seat belt fastened low and tight.

      Emergency is another situation. Did you expect the pilots to come out of the cockpit and deal with the heart attack or fire while they are flying the plane. Or come back to the cabin when they land to help you out of the plane while its crash landing. I’m sure if they survive they will just evacuate. While we are trained to stay on until everyone is off.

      OUR Pay! Well after all the bankruptcy’s we get half of our pay. We have lost our pensions to keep the airlines going! And our work rules keep us flying till we are half dead. I am not complaining because this is my job but please do not think we have the best wages in the world. Most of us are just surviving. We often do this because we love our work and love traveling.

      Most passengers are respectful and listen to our instructions. Sometimes it is the seasoned traveler who insists he/she has seen the safety card/emergency exit info a million times. Also it is that same person who when we ask you to do something safety related you roll your eyes. If you have seen this safety video so many times why not just be SILENT. Not hassle us.

      We also have been trained every year for these safety related issues. Even though we hope they never happen we still train for the event every year. WE don’t roll our eyes at our instructors and tell them I’ve seen this already for the last 15 years I don’t need to see this.

      So in short (not so short) just keep your mouth shut and do what the flight attendant asks you to do. While she/ he is doing his safety checks and closing the door please don’t ask for a glass of H20. While the plane is climbing please don’t ring your call button unless its an emergency. If you have children bring your own entertainment and teach your children to be respectful.
      And above all a smile will get you a smile, your negative attitude will maybe get negative in return but I hope not.
      Also you are not the only one on the plane we have sometimes 300 passengers. If you want to have special treatment rent or buy a private jet.

      • Paladin // 07/02/2014 at 10:09 PM //

        Again ignoring my previous comments. I’m always courteous and attentive of cabin crew when the do the safety announcements etc. I also follow the rules and guidelines. My negative attitude as you put it is a genuine complaint about your industry, which has been confirmed by the numerous replies that fail to recognise it as it is. A customer complaint. In any other industry it’s taken seriously. Obviously not by cabin crew. After repeating myself continuously I fail to see the point in continuing to reply here. It’s like bashing my head against a brick wall.

        It’s like you lot see the door close and plane take off and say to yourself…. Right they’re all stuck we can do what the hell we want and act the way we want. (Except some delightfully friendly exceptions) it’s all smiles on entering the plane until take off…

        It’s not like this has happened to me once or twice. In 50+ flights I have only had one positive experience. That is over several airlines. So how could I possibly accept that there is not a widespread problem. By the way on all of these occasions I was not the only complainant

    • Paladin, it may be years since you even posted this comment but airline crew are NOT hospitality employees. We are there for safety. Period. End of. If we weren’t needed for that we wouldn’t be there. Everything else, food and drink, charm and conversation, in flight entertainment systems and so on included, is secondary to safety. Manners are a tool of the crew but if passengers don’t return the favour then safety considerations overrule service ones and the crew are required to assert their authority and make the passengers comply or judge if they need to be of paced or arrested. That’s our job. Disobeying a waiter is not an arrestable offence but disobeying crew on a plane IS. If someone kicks off at 35000 feet on a crowded plane everyone’s safety is at risk so that is why we are there. We keep the peace, look after your health and make sure everyone has a nice comfortable safe flight. So if a passenger is being rude it is our responsibility to put then in their place and curtail the inappropriate behaviour by whatever means necessary for the safety and comfort if the rest of the plane. If you’re flying with rude crew then you’ve obviously been on the wrong airlines but the fact that you refer to flights you can ‘buy for a pound’ suggests that you’ve answered your own complaint. If you pay for a hotel room or cafe meal that costs a pound then you get a pounds worth of service. Why would you expect a plane to be different? You pay for the bare minumum then you get safety enforcement and nothing else. You want the niceties then pay for a higher profile airline or buy business class. Most crew bend over backwards to be polite and helpful and friendly because it’s part of their job and they enjoy doing it. Putting passengers at ease and keeping everyone happy is for the safety and comfort of everyone in the plane. But we are not there for service. That’s just a secondary aspect of the job so as much as we all do our best if you push crew then their priority is obedience and safety. The moment passengers exhibit rudeness or appear inconsiderate it flags them as a potential threat the the comfort if the other passengers and safety of the plane. Every crew member placating a belligerent passenger is one less crew checking in the health of other passengers and monitoring the cabin and available to deal with a genuine threat of fire, violence or medical emergencies that may arise so if you’re distracting crew and aggravating them by being rude then you are infringing their ability to do their job on the rest f the plane. Stop treating crew as hospitality staff because they are not. We are safety professionals wearing a guise of hospitality staff because it makes for a more pleasant experience for the passengers than seeing us in boiler suits and hi vis jackets with handcuffs on our belts. If you see crew roll their eyes or become abrupt, as much as I would cringe to see that myself and suggest they may need time off to address their stress levels or reevaluate their enjoyment of and suitability to the profession, then I urge you to spare a thought for how many passengers have clicked and hissed at them, refusing to even speak in sentences or grant eye contact when they bark demands or ignored them and insulted them altogether then told them they’re idiots and consider the crew socially beneath them for sexist, racial or homophobic reasons. Walk a mile in their shoes before you judge them. I can guarantee that if you are polite and respectful and obedient to safety instructions then crew will always be pleasant back to you. And if they aren’t then check yourself and remember where you are. You’re not in a hotel. You’re not in a restaurant. You’re not in a cinema. You’re on a crowded dangerous expensive and highly vulnerable method of public transportation so stop referring to airplanes as a hospitality industry and grant the vastly outnumbered and sleep deprived crew a break. It’s a transport industry. Not hospitality. They are safety staff. Not waitresses and servants. It is their job to do what they do but it is not their job to accept inconsiderate and rude behaviour from the people they are trying to serve and care for. No excuse of “customer is always right” or “it’s a hospitality industry so why should customers have to show manners” is justification for expecting any human being to tolerate behaviour they are not being paid to tolerate. You’re paying their wages to fly you to your destination alive and unharmed, not to be your servants for 8 hours.

  3. ChivasOnTheRocksPlease // 05/02/2014 at 12:48 PM // Reply

    Fair to be said though…

    … even if you provide the best service in the sky, you must admit many of your colleagues worldwide do tend to moan about passengers getting in the way of their ‘lifestyle’. Spoilt staff from legacy carriers mostly. We know you do a great job, and a tough job, and an often thankless job. We know you spend hours on your feet getting dehydrated, flipping timezones, with short layovers and unfair rosters.

    But your wicked humour aside, as somebody who clocks up at least fifteen thousand kilometres a fortnight as a revenue passenger, I’ve seen as many bad CREWS as you’ve seen bad CUSTOMERS. From surprisingly good service in economy (Thai) to downright rude service in First (BA), I’ve seen the good the bad and everything in-between.

    PS. Yes passengers with their feet on bulkheads. I KNOW right??!

  4. Danielle // 05/02/2014 at 1:27 PM // Reply

    This is absolutely hilarious! Love it

  5. Love it…just a bit of fun and pretty spot on…..but not sure why anyone who doesn’t do the job is bothering to post anyway…bit weird….

  6. fellowcrew // 05/02/2014 at 8:30 PM // Reply

    This is too hilarious! Thanks for writing up such awesome stuff, spot on!

  7. Olwen Hale // 05/02/2014 at 8:42 PM // Reply

    Extremely funny and so very true at times

  8. K for kicking? As in, kick my seat and I will turn round and punch you in the face.

  9. Capt. Squelch // 05/02/2014 at 11:53 PM // Reply

    Being locked up at the other side of the door I often have the trolleydolley blowing of steam on the jumpseat. I love it It’s plain humor.

    I often wonder though why some of the self loading cargo insist on making such fools of themselves..

  10. F – fat people. Buy 2 seats – don’t use half of someone else’s coz you’re too cheap to go on a weight loss plan.

  11. Monika Shirai // 06/02/2014 at 6:29 AM // Reply

    R for remain seated when the seatbelt sign is still on. Passangers are just so stubborn. Always in a hurry to get their bags. But hello? As if they can get out of the aircraft immediately after getting their bags from the overhead bins.

  12. U is for “upright seat” at least on our airline the passenger often feel it nessessary to complain to the teacher AKA the crew that the “mean” passenger on front has put their seat back, and they often don’t like the response of, “sorry sir but the passenger in front is entitled to put their seat back for comfort, however you are also entitled to do the same….” I personally love this A-Z and as I’m sure many people that work with the public agree, you need to have the odd vent to be able to be professional! As the saying goes if you can’t laugh you’ll cry. Yes there are small minority of crew that give us a bad name, just as there’s a small number of passengers on each flight that give everyone else a bad name! If 9 out of my 10 flight don’t have me wanting to tear my hair out I’m going to class that as a good thing 😉

  13. I once requested change of seat because the dude next to me had smelly feet. I wrote “smelly feet. May i change seat please?” on a piece of paper and shown to the lovely air hostess who returned with a sympathetic smile. And she changed my seat. Quite far from the stinky feet guy.

  14. Love it, as someone who works in hospitality – clicking fingers for attention is unacceptable (unless you are a time traveller and have teleported back to Victorian England). When some people are not in the comfort of their own homes, they act like pigs – I just don’t get it. Kick my seat or smack me in the face with your excessively reclined seat and I will drop you like a sack of spuds, my tiny frame and short stature notwithstanding…

  15. HardWorker // 06/02/2014 at 2:46 PM // Reply

    Jacquie Russell, you seem to think that your job does not revolve around the customer when it does. Being someone with industry experience, I find it’s a shame to see individuals such as yourselves represent the job in such a negative way. Our job (feel free to do some research, might i suggest a tool as simple as google, or better yet YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION) consists of ensuring a safe AND ENJOYABLE flight to the customers who have made the CHOICE to fly with our respective airline rather than a competitor. So yes, it is your job (and part of job description) to serve your customers in the most courteous and professional manner possible.
    With regards to you providing safety, you can’t pretend that you play a key role because attending pre-boarding safety briefings does not qualify as keeping someone safe…. a better description of this safety aspect should you still be searching for one is “checking that the safety equipment and measures put in place by the port authorities are in functioning order”.
    These customers pay your wages so you would be better over off showing gratitude, rather than pooping where you eat. Every job has ups and downs, and everyone encounters difficult situations… the fact that this has become so tough on you that you feel the need to resort to your anonymous internet blog to vent your frustration is not only pathetic, but gives the rest of us a bad name. I pity your employer.
    As for paying for the privilege to fly, i think the introduction of low-cost airlines some 50 years ago demonstrates how outdated your views are.
    Finally, speaking of “not being able to hack it” i suggest you look into other, less “challenging” jobs where your interactions with other human beings is more limited, as to avoid these situations which trouble you so much… The McDonalds kitchen pops to mind: you wont have customer contact, and your job will be so straight forward you wont have anything to complain about.

    • Just for safety demonstration? Kudos to that. Yeah lets just hope your next flight wont crashed and you finally get to see that cabin crew are the only person you can rely on when you leave your family members behind just to get your sorry ass saved.

    • djatisha // 09/02/2014 at 4:14 AM // Reply

      Wow!!! HARDWORKER… I understand that you really ADORE your job… But guess what? So do I, and I am also a super hard working and smiling cabin crew HOWEVER… Don’t tell me that when you arrive in front of a customer with all the professionalism possible and they treat you like shit with absolutely no reason… You don’t want to tell them to fuck off!!!

      This blog is funny, of course sometimes it’s a little bit too much but at the end it’s just a way of blowing off some steam!!! You don’t need to attack anyone… You don’t like what you read?? Then stop reading and go to another blog… Try maybe… “I am a human machine, I smile even when you spit on me and I have no sense of humor “

  16. Hi
    Couldn’t stop laughing when I read this. I worked as cabin crew for more than 10yrs then I left. Change in my life & circumstances have got me thinking about trying to come back but I was worried that things had changed too much since I began (ex Britsh Cal!). What was I thinking?! :-))) Sending off my cv now!

    • I am ex BCAL and BA (dispatch) I graduate tomorrow (fingers crossed) as cabin crew based in Toulouse….after a 16 year gap….do it Kudirat!!!

  17. This is really great 🙂 !!!!!
    I would add – T is for Touch Screen – So please stop Punching it as It won’t make it work better!!!!!

  18. I love this it’s so funny and true …..as usual in the world we live In today everybody has a boring self entered counter opinion I’m not a dolly trolley and I am a frequent flyer I got this and I found it funny if was not offended and I have done some of these things (in the past)

  19. This is funny, I am not a trolley dolly but could identify with some of the stuff. If people are upset by this they could always write one from a passenger point of view. This is the Trolley dollies view and its hilarious. Personally I have low expectation from a flight as it is a means to an end. The worst I ever come across was B.A lazy miserable and old except one girl and I bet she didn’t last long haha.

  20. Folkert Pascal // 06/02/2014 at 11:30 PM // Reply

    We did have a different experience two years ago flying from Pittsburg to Amsterdam we had a terrible smelling person beside us he smelt like a person that just got of the street. I asked the stewardess if they could take this person of the flight no they couldn’t I asked for a flight later we had to pay for a new ticket we didn’t do that, that was a crazy situation. They couldn’t do anything that was worse flight of my life sitting for 8 hours beside this person and try to eat or sleep I did not understand this at all, if all passenger smell like that one person they couldn’t do their job in the cabin.

  21. Totally feeling this even though i don’t work in the airline industry, but in the hotel sector. It’s like people sometimes forget we’re humans too and forget their manners and courtesy. Just because we’re paid to serve, it doesn’t mean people can be mean, rude and inconsiderate to us.

    On a side note, it’s always the rudest and meanest people that has the most to complain about if u’ve notice. Self-entitlement issues? Hmm

  22. chris mike // 07/02/2014 at 5:34 AM // Reply

    i agree with these A-Z jetiquette. i hope all passengers will do this. applause!!!

  23. I’ve been flying all my life (first flight was probably as a newborn lol) and mostly on Asian airlines (namely Malaysia / Singapore / Cathay) and in all classes. I I don’t agree with some of the points, but they were all funny because I’ve seen some disaster passengers who really have no idea. Been lucky enough to be far, far away from smelly people though!!
    The 2 points that I kinda disagree with are Headphones and Call Button… but it doesn’t matter anyway, because I’m sure some passengers can really be quite annoying on all points.
    I have to say, though, that the best and most unassuming/polite service I’ve ever gotten has been from Asian airlines, but that’s not to say that I haven’t had awesome service from Qantas, British Airways etc.

  24. Very amusing!

    Obviously there are mixed feelings regarding cabin crew……It is a job, there are things the cabin crew have to do that they don’t enjoy (that’s normal with a job). I feel passengers are grouped as idiots unless they are in 1st class which annoys me.

    Never understood why all, bar one member of the cabin crew, disappear on the flight to go to their beds and sleep……it’s seems a great job to me, serve a drink and a meal, sleep for 8 hours (flat bed) get up grab your bag put your hat on and get off! Having paid loads of money for my ticket and sat up all night in a chair it would have been nice to have a cup of tea rather than find there are no crew around. If you do ask for something you are made to feel guilty because the individual has to do everything on his/her own. Well maybe wake up someone else to help? Are cabin crew really paid to sleep their way from A to B? Is that a tough job?

    Worst staff for me have been BA.

    • Perhaps if it’s that wonderful you should apply, Joanna. You’re absolutely right, we sleep all flight, do no work and treat passengers with complete contempt.
      To correct you, 50 per cent of crew remain on duty at all times for fire watch and passenger safety and assistance. People often become ill by fainting on flights or being sick, and sometimes more serious incidents may occur. If you approach your crew at any time they will be friendly and courteous, that’s why they’re hired.
      We actually work extremely long hours with on average 2 nights out of bed a week, crossing up to 16 time zones between trips. We are expected to look immaculate and bite our tongue at the rudeness we receive, and we do receive it every flight I can assure you. And then there are the long term health risks.
      I have been physically and verbally abused and filed police reports, dealt with a heart attack and been involved in a ground evacuation so far in my career. A thick skin comes as standard as does tact, sympathy and the ability to remain professional onboard regardless of the situation. Most crew are genuinely caring approachable people. Work as crew and then comment. Apply if it’s that great. But to hide behind your computer and tell us we have it easy…well I can assure you and others who share your ideas, you are sadly mistaken!

      • Joanna // 08/02/2014 at 3:07 AM //

        Doctors in hospitals work long hours. Probably longer than (and more stressful than?) attendants on an average flight but they don’t go to bed 2 hours after they arrive at work. If you fly from London to HK you get a rest in HK before flying back. Does the night in a hotel count as a night out of bed if you are in a hotel rather than at home? I suggest you find another job……….

      • djatisha // 09/02/2014 at 4:49 AM //

        Johanna….are you a doctor? Or a nurse? Or else do you work in a hospital? Because doctors do have beds in which they can sleep on all night during their shift if nothing important happens… They can be there from their arriving time until they actually leave… And may I say there is always worse somewhere…does it mean that we can’t complain about our job whatever job it is??

        You are not in the airline industry so let me give you a lil heads up…

        We have to arrive 2hours before the flight (that does not include the transportation time or the getting ready time at home let’s say we are up 4h before flight)…we have sometimes 16hours flights…with 3hours of sleep on the beds you’re talking about… On very busy flight it means that you will not have time to sit down for 13hours in a row because that’s what we do…answer call bells,deal with medical emergencies,or do rounds of drinks in the cabin… Then when we land we still have things to do in the plane before leaving… And we need to be immaculate once out of the plane and walking through the airport to the bus…so let’s say after landing we are out of our uniform at least 2hours after a flight… Let’s see…that’s 19hours of walking non stop from point A to point B…have you ever walked for so long???

        So next time you fly….try to take your eyes off your movie that you are watching and pay a little bit more attention to what is actually going on around you before you complain or criticize… It is a tiring job for sure… And for your information on 8hours long flights on some airlines there is no sleeping at all…

        And finally… If you’ve had a bad experience with one flight on one airline…please don’t make it a generality as many of us work our asses off and see people who don’t have a single clue look down on us!!!!

    • I really hoped your comment was a joke, Joanna, but then realized you really mean it.
      We are humans and we get tired and need to sleep. No, we don’t sleep the entire flight. In a 8 hours flight we don’t get to sleep at all. Then imagine “just serving meals and drinks” to over 200 passengers, and each one of them have their own requirements. And two or three times, because in long flights we have more than just one meal service. And that’s a nice normal flight, because if there’s an emergency you would see what we are really trained for.
      Besides, if we get to sleep during the flights is not because we get tire, it’s because we have to be mentally aware in case of an emergency and is hard to be if you have awake all night. Maybe you should try it once, and then let us know how it went.
      I bet you are the kind of passenger that gets angry because we have our own line in immigration or customs. Well, we worked all night so we have the right to do so.
      And one more thing, FYI, not all airlines have “beds” for the crew to rest. Where I work we have the same seats as in economy, but behind a curtain.

      • Joanna // 10/02/2014 at 3:28 PM //

        Go get some sleep love, you need your strength for work.

      • Ignacia // 13/02/2014 at 9:50 PM //

        Don’t worry, I will. Otherwise there is no way I can smile to stupid people like you.

  25. FABULOUS! Really made my day when got off my flight to find this. Yes, something we can all relate to and laugh about 😉

  26. viviancw11 // 07/02/2014 at 6:25 PM // Reply

    To Paladin:
    Pilots have more impact on ur safety. Ok… now tell me why everytime we have moderate to severe turbulance ur lovely fellow passengers all look at us crew? I know we are all gorgeous but im sure it is not our beauty u guys are looking for. U r looking for reassurance. And guess what pilots know nothing about first aid so on ur next flight make sure u r well because no pilot will be able to save u if u have a seizzure or a hart attack or even hurt urself during turbulence. So if u still think pilots have much more impact on ur safety think twice 😉

  27. Yeah and doctors get paid a slightly larger salary, Joanna. Do you expect us to go to Hong Kong and come straight back? Get real, hun. And if I needed career advice I’d ask for it thanks ;-))

    • Just saying hun, they do long hours, not so much complaining. No don’t expect you to go to HK and then go straight back but do expect you to be awake doing your job on the flight not sleeping.
      🙂

      • You know Joanna you really are showing your ignorance here! Or are you someone who has applied for this glamorous job of being a flight attendant and has been turned down. sounds like it to me! And yes doctors on night duty do have a sleep during the night unless they have to deal with emergencies and they probably get paid a lot more than cabin crew. and believe me I would rather have a doctor who has got a couple of hours sleep Even if it has been straight after he has been on duty! Deal with an emergency. but you are also forgetting that crew have to dal ith jet lag it’s not all partying, so although we might have been home for a a good 12 hours after a flight our bodies are still in other time zones which means we might only have had an hour two if we are lucky before going back on duty, And your also forgetting that you need to split the rest periods between the crew and also the services! Anway I think I have said my bit and keep up the good work trolley dollies!

  28. We all like a moan about our jobs and anyone who serves the public knows what it’s like to be barraged with people that have forgotten to turn on their brains and how draining that can be. We joke about passengers getting in the way of our glamorous lifestyle because in truth we’re being ironic. The lifestyle isn’t as glamorous as people think but focussing on the wonderful positive aspects of the job keep the worse aspects in perspective. Sleep deprivation, jet lag, constant separation and isolation from friends and family are things that can’t be avoided but rude and inconsiderate passengers are, so joking that they are a nuisance is not evidence that we don’t understand we wouldn’t have our jobs without them, but merely a way of relieving the frustration at the few who ruin it for the many and keeping our attitudes focused on the positive sides of the job rather than dwelling on the negative. If we didn’t gossip and joke about awful passengers then we would be repressing all the frustration until we become so demoralised and negative that we quit the job or give up trying altogether. The joking around and galley gossip is what keeps us positive and happy. Vent the negative experience so that you can stay focused on the positive. You have this kind of thread and gossip moaning to thank for what keeps the cabin crew on your flight so happy and positive when they are ok the aisles. No other public engaging profession is any different. It just means we are human and have feelings. Not that we don’t care about the people we look after it appreciate that they are why we have a job.

  29. M is also for MacDonalds; please don’t bring them aboard, they stink and it’s really unpleasant having to walk down the aisle where you have dropped them and they are no an internal component of the floor covering.

    C is also for Children; if you can’t control them, please don’t fly and stay at home or travel by car. If they’re screaming little b*stards, aged six, then you’re parental control is seriously lacking and if they’re running up and down the aisle then they are likely to run into my foot, knee or elbow, as I re-position myself in my seat.

  30. I would say in the past I experienced rude treatment from airline employees (Air Canada was the worst!) but in recent years I haven’t witnessed any rudeness from cabin crew to passengers, although I’ve seen the other way around. Some people seem to think they’re the only one on the plane and their “desperate” need for a sugar packet is the most important thing on earth. On a recent flight from Hong Kong to toronto (one of the longest non-stop flights in the world, I believe), the same smiling fresh-faced staff greeted me from the moment I got on to the moment I got off (Air Canada). As a matter of fact, I was flying back to Canada after more than two years away and one attendant, Debbie, was so warm and friendly the whole time I almost cried. She made me feel like I was “home” from the moment I got on the plane. She typified Canadian warmth and hospitality to me. She may have caught a “nap” somewhere in those long 15 hours or so, I guess she did, but she seemed to be around whenever anyone needed anything. I have to walk around during the flight, I found myself at the back galley when crew were eating, and I didn’t want to disturb them to walk through, but even if they were bothered they sure didn’t show it. Always warm and friendly, very willing to get water or do whatever was asked. Extremely impressive on such a long flight. I can’t begin to imagine how tough it must be at times to be cabin crew on the airlines. thanks to all who do a great job for little thanks.

    I really enjoyed reading this jetiquette – it all rings true and if you don’t laugh you’ll cry, so have a good laugh, folks!

  31. Love4flying // 11/02/2014 at 2:22 AM // Reply

    To all those who wrote some negative comments about this post:

    THIS IS HILARIOUS, period.
    I seriously don’t understand why it should even be criticized.

    I’ve been flying all my life, and working as cabin crew for 2 years only, and clearly recognize all of the points, from A to Z… cause all these things in the list actually happen, on a daily basis, with any airline, on any route!
    This doesn’t mean that I don’t like my job, cause I do. I honestly love my job. Of course I think this Jetiquette has to be read with a bit of irony. But passengers should definitely learn some manners. I’m one of those people who tries to smile even when I don’t really want to… but still there are days that I would like to scream for how under-educated some passengers are.
    Luckily, not everyone is like that. Personally I have to say I also had many lovely passengers… But I believe that those considering our job as a “relaxing” one where we are just mannequins for a safety demo no one pays attention to anyway, are just as ignorant as the ones who get to my nerves.

    We are trained for weeks for the safety of the passengers, learning all the procedures in case of any emergency situation, not to serve drinks or snacks as many believe. And they happen more often than you hear in the news, cause it doesn’t necessarily have to be something major, but it can also be “just” a medical emergency or a disruptive passenger… we are trained for that.
    We are also trained to give reassurance whenever this happens, and you may notice that in case of some strong turbulence inflight or during landing, when passengers search for some silent reassurance just by the look in our eyes. All the rest (drinks, snacks, passenger handling) comes secondarily. By saying this, I don’t mean it’s not important as well or that we can be rude to passengers when serving them, because it’s still part of our job, and after all we are the face of the ariline we work for, whatever that is.
    Passengers deserve to be treated nicely, true… BUT SO DO CABIN CREW!!

    And if you think our job is easy… you’re just wrong. No matter how much I love flying, this job is DAMN TIRING.
    It is not as well-paid as you believe, as most of us don’t even get to the minimum wage of the country we live in.
    It is physically so much tiring, as your biological clock doesn’t exist anymore, your body has to adjust to pressure changes too often, and if you have just a stupid cold your ears will start killing you that much you wish you’d never chosen this job in first place… and so on and on.
    It is stressful… because of delays (for which by the way we’re not even paid a single cent); because we have to deal with hundreds of passengers with a different background everyday, who sometimes turn a flight into a sort of a street market; because we have to explain them thousands of times calmly why they cannot do something that doesn’t comply with the safety regulations…
    And we definitely don’t just go to sleep when we’re tired as I read someone assumed.

    So… no one here judged the work that is done by others in other environments. Then please, don’t come and judge ours without even knowing how we actually work.
    Thank you, bye.

  32. I didn’t know where to post this, so I thought this would be as good a place as any. Does anyone remember in Die Hard 2 when the stewardess offered Holly McClane a free glass of wine after the stewardess learned that Holly had knocked out two of Richard Thornburg’s teeth at the end of Die Hard 1? The stewardess was happy to hear Holly had punched Richard Thornburg because the stewardess was pissed off after Richard Thornburg had published an editorial called “Bimbos In The Sky”. I still laugh about that scene, and many others. Was Richard Thornburg (the trash T.V. reporter) the stereotypical asshole customer?

    Keep up the good blog, it’s funny reading unfortunately it’s also 100% true.

  33. Actually it was champagne, but who’s counting? Also I thought I would add that “Flying Junkyards” was his objective look at air traffic safety. Die Hard 2 was awesome.

  34. This is so awesome, hilarious and every point is absolutely , totally true! This should be printed on the back of the boarding pass 😀

    I love your blog & I LOVE your feisty attitude towards the haters babes! Especially the weirdo above who thinks he’s ‘always pleasant & polite’ and yet all he has done is complain. I mean seriously, these negative commenters seem to want us to believe they are really busy, Very important people and yet, they willingly take the time out of their schedule to read your blog from start to finish so … Congrats on that!! 😘😘😘

  35. Reblogged this on Sechys Diary and commented:
    I never reblog, but seeing as I am bedridden with yet another communicable disease and can hardly type (ie: Tonsilitis) caught from one of my lovely passengers, I thought I would reblog this article by this fantastic, hilarious cabin crew blogger. Read all the way to the bottom and share this important, educational message with as many people as you can 😀 😀

    Love Sechy xoxo

  36. Family Biz // 05/03/2014 at 12:37 AM // Reply

    Loved the A-Z! Shared by a former FA friend of ours. I am a pilot for a major airline, married to a flight attendant for a major airline, and the son of a retired flight attendant for the same airline. It gets in your blood, doesn’t it?
    I read the comments and I want to make a few points:
    1) you the passenger do not pay our wages. You pay a fare to our company, which in turn transports you from A to B. The company does this to make a profit. The company pays us to operate aircraft so that they can provide this service to you. Again, for a profit. So no, we don’t work for you.
    2) Someone mentioned medical professionals working long hours without rest. Although I have a very high degree of respect for doctors and nurses, take a look at the statistics of errors committed in the workplace, and the fatalities that result from them in the medical industry. It is staggering. In comparison, airline crews make astonishingly few errors, and hardly any errors that result in death (for US and UK airlines pretty close to zero). In fact, my airline hasn’t had a human factors related death of a passenger in over 30 years! It is ONLY due to the safety professionals aboard the jets, your pilots and flight attendants.
    3) Lastly, we are in the flying business because, yes, we do indeed like it very much. It’s in our blood. We do it well because we are professionals. But we are human, affected by all things that human beings cope with through life. We have stress caused by things that happen to people, like deaths in the family, divorces, births, weddings, illness, jubilations (and tragedies) that involve your children, and many other things that someone with a job on the ground can attend to. Many times we are aloft crossing an ocean or continent when our loved ones need us most, because an airline never takes a day off. We miss the lives of our loved ones, kids and parents, because of “the job.” We don’t complain (at least too loudly) because this is our chosen profession, and we are professionals. And our families share in the sacrifices; our kids know that mom and dad will not be home for Christmas this year once again. But we do it, because we love it, and we are professionals. And on that Christmas Day, that flight attendant will be standing at the boarding door, a beaming smile on her/his face, dressed impeccably in the uniform, and offer a hearty “welcome aboard!” despite the crappy weather, the oversold flight, you the passenger with way too large a carryon, and a 12+ hour day lying ahead. Despite the sneer you give them, they will treat you with the utmost of courtesy, and while I, sequestered behind the bullet proof cockpit door begin to power up and roll the 300,000 pound aircraft down the runway, they will be strapped into their jumpseats going over the evacuation procedures in their minds which they will have to accomplish perfectly – with no errors – in the event the airplane doesn’t become aloft and runs off the runway. They will accomplish these procedures to SAVE YOUR LIFE, the life of that very person that sneered at them.

    Again, I loved the blog! You have to throw humor into such a serious job. A serious job we perfectly accomplish with much ease and humor!

  37. To who ever smartass wrote it, snap out of it. If you like it, just quit!!!
    Every work comes with a hassle! Yours happen to be in an airplane! 😉

    • That smartass would be me. And I presume you mean if you DON’T like it quit?

    • Ross

      Spend some time learning how to write and punctuate.

      I’m assuming that, because of the smiley at the end of the message, you appreciate how hard the cabin crew, and flight crew, work.

      Remember, they are there for your safety and, not necessarily, for your comfort; operational events take priority and I’m sure you don’t want hot coffee spilled down you in the event of turbulence.

  38. Only been a trolley dolly for a couple of months now but can relate to all of these points and loved them all! Couldn’t stop laughing, like on most of your posts! 🙂

  39. Interesting article! Whilst I realise a lot of what has been said is tongue in cheek, I have seen a lot that attitude carried out, some deserved, some not. My “home” town has 2 airlines Emirates and Fly Dubai. The fly Dubai cabin crew have been excellent every single time I have flown with them, sadly I cannot say the same for Emirates, either very good or very bad. I always treat people with respect and do as asked but sadly it is not always returned by the cabin crew. You may be “safety officers” in your mind but are also there to make the passengers experience a pleasant one and are frontline representatives of your airline you should be sucking it up!

  40. Terry Batten // 08/06/2014 at 8:35 PM // Reply

    It made me laugh out loud! Thank you. I saw some people complained about Cabin crew in the comments, We all have a story (Mine is a woman who basically called me an alcoholic because I asked about the mojito special advertised in front of my face!) But everyone has a bad day. If someone treats you really badly, put in a complaint. But remember cabib¡n crew have the right to complain about YOUR bad behaviour too!

  41. Roxane H // 17/06/2014 at 5:23 PM // Reply

    A for Aisle : If I use the aisle, it’s probably because the first 5 hours of the flight got my legs really stiff and I need to stretch them to feel better. I’m sorry if it bothers you to pronounce the 2 words « excuse me » (which you seemed to say are easy to say). I might not have paid for the aisle but I did pay for a flight ticket which comes with a sit. Sorry if my comfort gets you in discomforts……but I’m paying for it and you’re beeing paid….

    B for boarding pass: Well then, it bothers you as much as it bothers us! Maybe explaining the passengers the reason why would keep people from moorning and think that you guys are just there to be dickheads abusing of authority.

    C for call Bell: I’m really sorry to bother you if I need a glass of water after flying 3 hours without drinking anything. Hopefully I didn’t disturb your nap.

    D for do not touch…..: Agreed in the first lace, but once you missed my dinner, my drink and you still don’t answer when i’m saying „excuse me“, forgive me but I might try something else.

    E for electronic device: Once again, if you d be able to give a good explaination, maybe people wouldn’t bother you so much about it. If I d tell you to to put your hands on the ground and pull your tongue out, are you just going to do it without questionning ?

    G for Galley : Hmmmmm Am I wrong to say you’re on duty during the whole flight ? You re one of the few people on earth who are being paid whilst legally having a nap….so again, sorry to bother you if we need something. And by the way, you also take a few available seat ranks to have a nap asking the passengers to stay in their crowded rank, don’t you, sneaky !

    J is for jet lag : Remind me how many resting days you have in a 4 or 5 stars hotel between 2 long hauls ? How much money you re given for food and everything ? How many effective hours your work in a month ? Sorry to be bad, but yesterday was my last day on holiday and I drank to forget and to party…….hopefully I won’t disturb the hard working very tired crew with my breath.

    K for keep your stinking feet….. : Well, that one is for me! I feel supper , extremly uncomfortable having my legs down for a long time. I just need them up to feel ok. So I’m really sorry if from my tiny little seat in economy class, on a 13 hours flight, I might try to find a comfortable position. You will pass next to me maybe 10 times for a max amount of 20 seconds ( because when I eat, my feets are down)…I hope you, walking around, sitting with space, I hope you’ll survive…..

    O is for offensive odours : When you travel for hours and hours, throught 3 different airports, you’re tired, you eat junk food, you re sweaty, you r stincky, believe me….passengers are as uncomfortable as you seem to be. Maybe you should have chosen to work in a perfume shop instead….

    P for public announcement : It’s the 78th time I m hearing the same exact words…….there’s what…500 people in a long haul flight ? Well get used to it lady, not everybody is going to listen to you……

    S for sunglasses: Some people just don’t fell comfortable sleeping exposed to the sight of all these strangers around…..does it really bother you that much?

    Also………Sorry but Cabin crew….is clearly a hospitaly profession, part of the tourism industry….you re flights « attendants », « hostess », « steward »….…..what does that mean uuhh ??

    • Hi there Roxane

      Thanks for your extremely thorough feedback.
      Sadly I think you may have taken the context of the article a little too literally. The piece is meant very tongue in cheek, a humorous look at our profession. I’m not sure what you do for a living however I hope that you are able to laugh and joke about some of the more humorous and difficult elements of your job which is exactly what I have aimed for here.
      As always if you don’t like it then don’t read it. I will of course take your comments on board.
      Cheers

      • Suzanna // 28/06/2014 at 7:12 PM //

        I am still bemused as to the reason why people who don’t work in the profession bother to look at this site, let alone spending precious time constructing a comment with such vitriol! It must have taken you ages Roxanne!

  42. “humorous look at our profession”…. maybe, but very hostile towards your guests/customers in the same time. as a guy who flies very frequently, I must say I’m a little disappointed to see how you put us all in the same basket. because you do put us all in the same basket, irrespective if we are gentlemen or rednecks. as this is not correct!

    • Just like how our guests/customers can be hostile towards us also. I agree you’re not all the same and I’m sure you’ll agree that not all the flight attendants you’ve encountered have been fantastic, although I would imagine that doesn’t happen very often 😉 Please don’t take offence at the piece. None was intended.

      • I do not take offense at all, be assured about that. I know your profession is almost a vocational one; and a very though one as well.

        Indeed, we are not all the same (luckily, I would say!) and, of course, not all flight attendants are the same. In my opinion, the nice ones are by far most numerous than the others.

        I might be very subjective because I’m part of a generation to whose male components “stewardesses” were a traditional object of desire. They were so beautiful and people was travelling so much less 30 years ago that we were very willing to “forget” everything in exchange of a smile coming from those gorgeous long legged perfectly dressed ladies. I think it is your turn not to be offended! Have an excellent week-end!

      • Don’t worry George, I’m certainly not offended. You grow a thick skin in this profession. I understand completely though what you’re saying. Enjoy your weekend too.

  43. I think despite the tongue and cheek nature of the final photo before the copyright speaks volumes about the attitudes of some flight crew I’ve encountered recently. While a snarly attitude is one great way to pacify some passengers, ultimately, kharma is a bitch, and some of do know how to e-mail customer service(*). And those of us who really appreciate professionalism, know that customer service doesn’t just exist for complaints and will compliment when we see something above and beyond.

    (*) Does not apply to Ryanair or United or other airlines that don’t really care about customers.

  44. thats why i never smile back to attendants because i know all those ‘welcome on board ma’am’ are just for show.

  45. Love this blog! I’m a FF with a lot of crew mates. My pet hates. Parents with badly behaved kids. Please control them or drug them please. Pax. Bringing way too much crap on board then faffing about trying the store it. I’m always very very polite to all crews( they can make your trip miserable ) but have to say I’ve had downright rude responses on just a few, vast majority very lovely. Just remember the galley curtains are not soundproof! Keep up the good work ! Tommy

  46. I have NEVER enjoyed flying – would rather have a root canal – and the ONE thing that helps me endure the flight is always the flight crew. Professional, assuring, and trained well; across the board from Southwest to BA. Not one crew member has failed to return respect when respected, despite sagging, tired eyes and having to handle the asshats around me poking and prodding them. Thank you for all that you do, including helping white-knucklers actually enjoy a flight or two.

  47. Reblogged this on Haralds Blog.

  48. Ok, this is hilarious! I have to agree with you on everything else except the nappie changing. Yes, you should not do it without some kind of underlay, but with one I think babies should be allowed to have their underwear changed by their own servants (aka parents) somewhere else than in the quite dirty and tiny lavatory. That being said, the parents are responsible for making the diapers disappear and should never, ever, ever a) give them to anyone else to be disposed of or b) leave them to their seats. Gross.

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